PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Even The Threat Of Tertia Did Not Work

Nope, no HCG testing.

Now, before you all hit the roof, let me tell you how it went down. Remember I am in Scotland which is not the epicentre of fertility treatment but yet all my treatment is free, kay??

Well, 5 vials of blood were drawn (for everything else under the sun other than HCG), blood pressure taken, prescriptions written but I am very afraid to say that there will be no beta number forthcoming any time soon.

Why?? Because late next week I will have an early viability scan.

I know, I know. It is all about the HCG numbers but is it really? My fertility clinic only ever use peesticks and early scans. Knowing beta numbers does not mean anything in the long run.

As my GP said, the outcome of an early scan will not be affected by whether I/we obsess over HCG numbers this week. Obviously she does not know I blog and share all my personal innards on the internets.

And she is right. It would not have made any difference last year with the ectopic.

I can live with that. So can my blood pressure.

Once we establish early viability, I will be more closely monitored than Britney.

So let's all exhale for the moment, kay?

Monday, October 29, 2007

Another Day, Another HPT

Back at work today so no early blogging anymore. Boo for not being able to blog at work and spread the good news that today's HPT came up quicker and darker and clearer.

Tomorrow I have my birthday MOT. You know, where they check everything, especially the diabetes. It is my favourite nurse who does it and I am going to persuade her to add another blood test to the myriad she will already be taking.

Cos Tertia says it is an emergency!!!

Not that my diabetic nurse will know Tertia. Well, I don't think so, anyway. That girl does get around, even at her advanced age ;)

Anything is possible.

Being back at work today sucked as I had a gazillion e-mails from the last 3 weeks to catch up on and all I really wanted to do was lay my head down on the desk and sleep. And gaze at those 2 tests, wonderingly.

No, I did not take them to work with me. The thought did cross my mind but you know when you are in a hurry and rifling through your bag and you accidentally pull out some feminine mahoodgies in front of the mail boy??? Yes, well. I left them safely at home.

PS Lynnette, I have to tell you that the neg test on Friday was with one of those cheapie tests you sent me. I don't like them at all. FRER have a much bigger space to examine for microscopic traces of HCG. Just saying ;)

Sunday, October 28, 2007

13dp3dt AKA Insert Any Swear Word You Prefer In This Space

I have a line this morning. Faint but a line.

Now before you all jump in with the congrats and high-fiving, let me refer you back to my first DE cycle when this happened.

Why can't I be the person who gets unambiguous + tests at 10dpt?? No, no. I have to have the complete mindfuck. Is it going to be a chemical or an ectopic???

It must be a true measure of how desperately infertile I am that, out of the 40 comments to my last post, no-one even suggested that a good outcome might still occur. But thank you anyway as I only have 2 real-life friends who I can share this crap with and the fact that you all understand and can empathise is worth more than gold.

My favourite swear word for today is my beloved "c" word.

Friday, October 26, 2007

11dp3dt AKA Rinse and Repeat

Mr P went back to work this morning so I knew I had the day to myself to wail.

Yes, I tested and if you wonder why the title, I refer you back to this time last year.

Nuff said.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Chicken Licken Is Back In The Henhouse

Before you even think it, no I have not peed on anything.

It is 10dp3dt and I am terrified of seeing the negative that I know is awaiting me. In my own twisted mind, if I don't test, then it is not happening.

In fact, I reckon that if I wait a few months, the answer will be apparent. Aaah, denial is a wonderful place to live.

The journey home was its usual 9 circles of hell. No, hell is the other travellers who dare to annoy me. You know who I mean.

The people who instantly recline their seats as soon as they sit in their seats and mean that I end up with 10cms of space.

The parents who think an international flight of 400-odd people means their toddlers have an endless pool of babysitters to choose from and can wander at will amongst the aisles.

The people who leave their light on in the space above them all night, regardless of the fact that they have fallen asleep instantly in their reclined seat (bastards).

The people who leave the airplane bathroom in the foulest condition for me, after I have stood and waited 20 mins for the use of said bathroom.

I could go on as I am a very grouchy traveller. No amount of Rescue Remedy or deep breathing can alleviate it.

My top tip, as a woman, is never to set off the alarm going through boarding security at Schiphol airport in Amsterdam. If you do, you will be frisked in places that only your partner has ever been and even then, only after at least a botttle of decent wine and dinner.

Some of my very closest real-life and blog friends are lesbians and a more charming, polite lot you could ever meet/email but I am sure they employ the most sex-starved, single lesbians in the Netherlands just for female body searches at security.

I was blushing. And believe me, it takes a LOT to make me blush after 7 years of infertility treatments where nothing is sacred in the stirrups.

The worst thing??? It happened on both transits through Amsterdam. And all I was wearing both times was my standard travelling outfit of only wedding ring, watch, birkenstocks, underwear, cropped trousers and a sweatshirt. What the fuck was setting off the alarm both times?? I think they just wanted to cop a feel.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Homeward Bound

I am sad to leave but so looking forward to being home.

Our luxurious hotel here in the City Bowl has been out of this world, an oasis of tranquillity and calm. Outside my window is the oldest grapevine in Cape Town and the tiny little grape buds are reaching to the sky.

We dined last night at the most fabulous restaurant and we were treated like royalty. Mainly because Millie had prepared the way and even more so, when they told us the bill had already been taken care of. Luckily I was not having a weepy day yesterday or it could have been a brouhaha.

Thank you, sweetie. You are too generous.

Not only did she prep the restaurant, Millie also asked the hotel staff to be extra nice to us. Last night, there was singing and dancing. This morning, we had rose petals on our breakfast table and more singing. Oh, and a gorgeous chocolate cake too. I felt like the queen.

It is a pity we have to leave but all good things must come to an end.

It is 8dp3dt today and there is no peeing here. Not because I am being strong but because I do not want to have a breakdown anywhere but in the comfort of my own home.

I have heaps more photos but they will have to wait. See you when we are back in the Northern hemisphere!

Saturday, October 20, 2007


Snappy title, huh?

I am not feeling very snappy today. In fact, can't stop weeping. Even the sunshine can't cheer me up this morning. I fear this is the beginning of the end of cycle blues.

Alchemilla, all I can tell you is that we did not discuss sexual fantasies for the sake of Mr P, who blushes easily, but she did offer to let me feel her new boobs. I gracefully declined but you should have seen the look on Mr P's face as I think it fulfilled several of his fantasies simultaneously ;)

I shall not whinge on and on but the good news is that the PIO shots are easy as pie now. No soreness and just a little bruising. Mr P has developed arm muscles of steel from all the massaging hehe.

Tomorrow we leave our B&B in Camps Bay for a couple of nights of luxury in the city. Flying home on Tuesday and I am reaching the stage of looking forward to going home. I miss my own bed and pillows. The weather has been windy but beautifully warm and sunny and I am storing up as much rays as possible before we fly home to the gloom.

Enjoy the photos.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Kinda Still Resting

But the weather was a gorgeous 29 degrees today, with not a cloud in the sky so it was a toss-up between bed-rest and sunlounger-rest.

The sunlounger won.

Mr P even braved the unheated pool. He said it was bracing initially but then fabulous. This lady was not for dipping.

The best news today is that my ankle bones and tendons have re-appeared and are positively sylph-like.

By night-time, I was going stir-crazy so we went to Fish on the Rocks in Hout Bay for some takeaway fish and chips. Yes, we have been to Mariner's Wharf too for posho fish but we just wanted a takeaway to eat as the sun was going down in its usual spectacular fashion.

The novelty of seeing the sun disappear into the sea never wears off for me, as at home, we live on the east coast.

Tomorrow, I am released from house arrest and we are lunching with the gorgeous and divine one with the new boobs.

PS we leave one week today, which will be 8dp3dt.

PPS interesting article on DE and surrogacy.

Monday, October 15, 2007

2 In The Oven And 2 In The Freezer

Transfer was pinchy but good thanks to Vitamin V.

2 eight-celled embryos were transferred. The doc said No to transferring 3 as they were great quality and the donor has a solid track record. The other 2 eight-celled ones were going in the freezer. That is the first time I have ever had any frozens.

The other two of the 6 that fertilised had stalled at 4 cells and 3 cells. He also gave me a prescription for clexane for my ankles on the flight home. The bill is paid and that is that.

Back to bed rest now.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

No More Whinging aka Remember It's The Massive Doses of Hormones

These views from the pool deck remind me how lucky I am to be able to travel to this beautiful spot. On the flight, I spent a lot of time crying and asking myself why I was putting myself through this again. My moods have been more manic than I have experienced since prior to starting the prozac. It takes a lot of getting used to. I have to keep reminding myself that I am taking huge doses of hormones and it is not really me. Last night was a very low, low point.

Thank you for all your helpful comments and general support. I could feel the love!!

Beagle, you made me snort with laughter at your comment as that is exactly what I was doing last night, with my feet up on the wall. It reminded me of those faraway days of TTC when I used to do that to help the swimmers get to the place they needed. How young and naive I was!

Luckily, the elevation and the cold water soaking helped very much and they are almost back to normal again this morning. Today I am taking it long stints in the car, no wine, no stress. And definitely no whinging.

Last night's shot seems not to have turned into a knot. I made Mr P massage my arse for over twenty minutes. Poor guy ;)

I also did some research and some bloggers advocate walking around after the shot to move the muscle. So I did a bit of that and then added in my longtime companion, Teddy Hottie. He is my hot water bottle that accompanies me all around the world. I don't know sometimes who ranks top...him or Mr P. It can be a close call.

Lynnette, I took a picture of the kelp especially for you this morning with my phone. Mr P got me a bluetooth dongle this week so my Nokia pics can be quickly posted on the blog. Expect a lot more ;)

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Ten Sounded So Good aka War of Attrition

Ah, yesterday when I got the call about 10 eggs retrieved, all was rosy in the garden.

Today, not so much. I knew we would lose some but 4 eggs were immature. The other 6 all fertilised with ICSI so Mr P's 100% fertilisation record, on anybody else's mature eggs other than my own, remains intact.

I know I should be grateful for anything and for both the opportunity and the privilege to be here but it is only one fertilised egg more than last time. And that went so well (ironic tone of voice).

More woes today, too.

My cankles which were almost back to normal yesterday, have ballooned again today and worse than ever. Mr P was joking the other night that I had hobbit feet but not the ears. Hmmmph. Now they are like elephants feet.

I don't know if it is the wine, the PIO or the BP meds I am taking. I fear we are now talking oedema rather than common or garden cankles. I will speak to the doc on Monday at transfer. Anyone got good tips to reduce swelling??

I am sitting in Lynnette's favourite chair, watching the waves with my poor feet elevated on 3 cushions.

The good news is that our stray suitcase was not missing. It was on that bloody carousel. It was unrecognisable to me as it had acquired a hot pink luggage strap somewhere in transit. I watched it pass me a kazillion times but did not check the label due to the misleading strap. Doh!

So no more wine for me, now. I feel like crap, depressed and my arse is unbearably sore after the PIO. It was not sore at the time and I used heat after. I am not looking forward to tonight's shot.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Hang Ten

No time for more stories as too busy carousing round CPT and lapping up the fabulous food and wine. Mmmmm, wine.

In brief, 10 eggs retrieved. Fert. report tomorrow. First PIO injection bravely administered by a skittish Mr P.

Full day wine tour tomorrow as I have to pack it in before Monday's transfer.

Toodle pip!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Alive, Alive-O

We are here! It is sunny!! And I made it through the flight without a panic attack!!

And I am very over-excited as you can tell from the liberal use of exclamation marks. Donor doing well, retrieval on Friday and my lining is at 11mm. That was the great stuff. Now onto the not-so-funny or great.

We arrived late Tuesday night, made it off the plane super-quick in front of the 400-strong herd to get through immigration. Yes! I thought. Straight to baggage and we will be in the car in 10 minutes.

No. Very quickly, the first suitcase came round the baggage carousel, complete with its super-distinctive identifying NYC taxi strap.

Then we waited and waited and I grew dizzy, watching the same endless parade of suitcases go round and round. And round again.

We kept thinking some more baggage must be coming so we waited some more. An hour later, we realised that our other suitcase was not going to magically appear and perhaps it was time to make enquiries at the KLM desk.

By this time, I was almost sobbing with exhaustion, after having travelled for 15 hours at that point. My cankles were threatening to take over the airport and I was just not in the mood.

I was prepared to abandon the stupid suitcase but Mr P reminded me it was the one containing all the baby booty for Bosom Buddies. Without it, I would have no legitimate reason to meet the gorgeous and divine Tertia.

I was now freaking out that our driver would have abandoned us as we were now so late. He probably thought we had been arrested for drug smuggling.

Ok, gotta go. To be continued. Stay tuned for more tales of derring-do, hobbit feet and sunset on the beach.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Have Sudoku Book, Will Travel

And Tylenol PM, Valium, Rescue Remedy and the ever-calming Mr P.

We are all checked in online, all the way to Cape Town.

Staying at the airport tonight for v. v. early flight tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow night, we are there. Aieeeeeee.

I am running from room to room, trying to tidy up and pack at the same time. Luckily for you, this means less blogging time to piss and moan for me. I have had a weekend of panicking and freaking out so I will be glad to get going. Mega doses of oral estrogen do not sit well with me.

PS Janie, my parcel is coming with me to open on the day. Smooches and thank you!!!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Where's My Coat and Umbrella?

You know I am only posting in a frenzy to keep Lynnette and the twins happy, right???

I think it is sheer nervous energy. I phoned a friend today who told me to slow down and stop talking so fast. I am usually pretty laidback so I must be pretty hyper for my friend to comment.

I checked Expedia to gloat about the prices of KLM flights and our flights now cost twice as much as we paid back in June. Hee hee! I love it when I think I have got a bargain.

I am up to 4mg oral estrogen per day now and tomorrow I ramp up to 6mg. I have more spots than a teenager and feeling awfully weepy (when I am not hyper). I also have a rash on my hand and lower arm. I never have rashes or skin problems so I blame the hormones. I still have the headaches but funnily enough, no hot flashes…yet.

Really, doing a donor cycle is physically so undemanding, compared to normal IVF. One injection and then some pills every day. What's not to like?

I do keep burping a fishy taste from the extra-strength fish oil and I am taking so many vitamins I could rattle but other than that, pretty much business as normal.

Apart from the whole 6 days to go thing. Off now to canter round the kitchen in a manic Mary Poppins stylee.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Finally....It's October!!!!

I love the month of my birth. Today is UK Older People Day.

Since I will be 42 next week, I am not sure that I qualify. Or do I????

After a weekend of rising at 06.30 each morning, I certainly do feel like a person over 50. Hats off to the mothers who can deal with 3 children as it totally wears me out. I have come to work today for a rest haha.

It is finally October today and it is 8 days to go. I have started assembling piles of clothes and stuff that will be needed.

I am not officially packing yet but just gathering stuff in the spare room. Now the kiddiewinkles have gone home, I can lay out meds, currency, books, etc etc.

My good friend Millie asked me if I was excited. I don't know if excited is the word. She is like me in that unless we are actively in treatment, there is no chance of a surprise. She has no tubes and I have no good eggs so just to be in the game is exciting for me/us.

However I am certainly excited to be going back to Cape Town as I love that place. The wine, the food, the scenery, the people.....outstanding.

But…a big but. This is my 3rd fresh donor cycle. By the time you are staring down the barrel of the third, all the fairy dust has fallen off. I am pretty negative about the chances of success but I am still fighting the good fight. I do not know how much more I have in me.

I had new fences and gates installed by my brother this weekend so now the back garden is either kid-proof or dog-proof.

One way or another, only time will tell.

PS my anon commenter who is going to be in the waiting room reading Oprah?? Would you like to e-mail me for a chat??