PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Why Pamper Life's Complexities?

The above-titled symposium is being held next week at Metropolitan University, Manchester to analyse, construct and deconstruct iconic 1980s band The Smiths. Academics from across the globe will explore some of Morrissey and his band's lyrics and music from the literary and cultural points of view.

Man oh man, where do I sign up???

Sunday, March 27, 2005

ner ner ner..ner ner ner.. oo wee oo

I thought the Synarel was dampening down any ardour in the lurve dept but that was until I saw Christopher Eccleston as the new Doctor Who last night! I felt something stirring in the nether regions and it was not a stray arm of an Auton either haha!

I loved the ironic nod to the old series from the Seventies when the Doctor was attacked from behind the sofa! So cool and yet so sexy and funny. So what if it was a little bit cheesy too. There was also something for the hubby in the form of Billie Piper. All that preceded by Strictly Dance Fever too.

My friend was reminiscing yesterday about the change to British Summmer Time and how it used to mean one less hour of drinking when the clocks went forward. Ha! Those days are long gone and now all I have to look forward to is Dr Who. And I don't give a toot, I'm afraid!

Friday, March 25, 2005

A Fluffy Bunnies and Gambolling Lambs Post

I have a bunch of baby rabbits gently cavorting in my garden, particularly in the part I like to call the "wildlife area" (AKA the part where I have not yet decided what I am going to do!" Unfortunately for them, if they start eating my soft tender green foliage newly emerging in the herbaceous borders, they will be rabbit toast! I foresee there will be war!

The farm down the road have got their lambs in the field - aaaw! so cute! Their little leggies - all shoogly and shaking. So sweet that I try not to think of how much I love a nice lamb casserole. Mmm, you know us country folks are never veggies!

My period finally showed up on Wednesday a little later than expected. It was only 12 days since the last provera tab. Pollyanna and Hope were conspiring to overpower me and take me hostage but I managed to evade their clutches with a timely snarl and snark and a waving of the Kotex box. I started sniffing the Synarel yesterday with 4 snorts a day. Can anyone tell me how to avoid sniffing so hard that it runs down your throat or sniffing too little and it runs out of your nostril? I am on a steep learning curve here. But hey! it beats the needles right?

Monday, March 21, 2005

Its March...lets garden!

Renovate rampant climbers, such as honeysuckles, by pruning the stems hard back

Lift, divide and replant overgrown herbaceous perennials as soon as the new shoots appear

In sheltered borders, surround any emerging shoots of herbaceous perennials with circles of coarse grit to help keep slugs and snails at bay

Give fruit trees a feed with a potash-rich fertiliser

Gravel paths and parking areas are sprouting seedling weeds, so put a hoe through them or burn them off before they can take hold

Fuchsias, dahlias and pelargoniums which have been kept dry and semi-dormant indoors over the winter, can be trimmed back, and given a little moisture and plenty of light, to encourage them into growth again. Re-pot them once they have begun to move

Get trimming those buddleia bushes

Your buzzword for March is:


Friday, March 18, 2005

Lets put the F in Friday

Aaaah, Friday....the sweetest day of the week! Work has been intense, what with death and dismissal and maternity leave to sort out for some poor benighted employees. I hate having to write obituaries and condolence letters, even when I knew the poor dead member of staff. It sure makes you look at your own life and think "It ain't that bad really".

No sign of period yet. It is a week since I finished the Provera, despite the PMS and general cramping. I know, I can take up to 14 days. I am not one of those Provera newbies who thinks it should appear instantaneously. I could do without the nipples of fire though.

Spring-time has commenced this week with double-digit temps of 15 or 16. It cannae last, as my Nana would say. Ne'er cast a cloot til May is oot!! In other words, don't take off your thermals until May!

Time to hit the garden this weekend. Deadbug has been making me super-jealous with all her photos of flowers bursting out but my oh-so-short-flowering-season time will come! It is time now to start dividing herbaceous plants and I have a lot of lupins and oriental poppies that are gagging for a new divided life! I will give you my Top Tips for March gardening (for people that live anywhere else other than SoCal) this weekend too. Stay tuned!

Monday, March 14, 2005

Lo Boob Oscillator

I am out of the funk. Can you imagine how I feel - in my previous post, I just noticed that my response to the bad feelings was to seek music to make me feel better! Not sugar, alcohol, nicotine or even internet shopping - just some kick-ass music. I feel strangely healthy all of a sudden. How bizarre! It cannot last.

I am super-tired today and feeling very PMS-y. I took the last Provera on Friday and I can feel the witch approaching on her broomstick. I feel a wee bit crabby and crampy. I had to bark at some fuckwits on the phone at work because they were asking some inane questions about maternity leave. They were lucky to get a bark hahaha! I really don't want to get sacked before I get the chance to have a year off! Move over ladies, you are in my space.

If you are a Libran, you can share my horrorscope for the coming week ahead:

You have big plans for the coming week ahead and, with a major and lingering alliance between confident Jupiter and perceptive Neptune dominating your chart, you will be determined that this will be the week that you start turning designs into deeds. However, you must expect some opposition from those who are happy with things the way they are: was it not always thus? They, in turn, must expect to be steamrollered if they get in your way.

Deep! Who wants to be steamrollered?

Saturday, March 12, 2005

BREAKING NEWS...Innocent Blogger Mangled in Drive-by

Just as I was beginning to get my head round the fact that I have finally tiptoed onto the Yellow Brick road paved with Provera and Synarel that leads to IVF (maybe!), I had a pregnancy announcement drive-by. I was blindsided, completely unprepared and shattered. Now I know that at times the sight of bumps and small children in TV adverts send me running for the hills but usually I can suck it up, be happy for them and move along albeit in an infertile sad limping fashion.

This is different as it is Mr P's niece who has been married for a fair while now and is only a couple of years younger than me. I guess, but don't know, that she may be acquainted with the sad rigours of infertility. However, this being your usual taciturn, dour Scottish family, there is not any talk of such notions. Carry on regardless - there are sheep to be fed etc etc. Let us not ever talk of feelings. However, Mr P knew when he received the news that it would be hard on me. He just gave me a hug and left me to the inevitable tears and gasps of "Why not me?". He knows I would rather roil in my own misery and lets face it, who can talk when there is that much crying going on? It was a snotfest and I cried myself to sleep. The emotional hangover has hung on for a few days now. I don't know why it doesn't stop hurting. I am happy for them but I want to be happier for me.

Where is my iPod? I need some butt-kicking headbanging music.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Wicked witch of the east

So.. how nervous was I with 2 consultant appointments on Monday morning? BP a little raised? Ya think??? Good news all round though despite the small rise to 142/82. Tick tick VG all round on the A1c and weight and even the BP. Mind you, the aforementioned bowels incident probably did me no harm in the weight dept. Encouraging patting on backs all round.

Of course, there is then the vicious irony of the HPT that has to be done before the nurse will let the clammy Provera out of her mitt. She was like Pollyanna playing dress-up in a nurse uniform. I felt like shrieking "this is the effing IVF clinic - why do you think I am here"!! However, I just muttered darkly as she asked me to fill a urine pot after telling me to empty my bladder just 10 minutes before. No wonder I have BP issues.

I have started the Provera which will lead to bleeding which will lead to sniffing the Synarel from Day 2 of bleed. I am too nervous to think beyond that because I will be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Mr P meanwhile will be waiting for the Provera axe to drop on his head. I tell him to think of it as the flip side of being lucky to be married to me hahaha! We shall see if he survives the week.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Orchestral manoeuvres in the dark

Where to start with my hectic week? Mr P's gig went fabulous and the gig itself was in this really cool place in the city with a vaulted stone ceiling with a really gothic cavern feel. The place was full of stoners, students, other bands playing and even a genuwine pop star popped in. The band did not have enough time to set up and when you have a million leads to plug in to synths and stuff, mucho stress. Luckily Mr P and his merry band of prog-rockers rose to the occasion! They may all be in their forties but they have not lost any of their enthusiasm for music and ligging. Unfortunately, I really miss the smoking and drinking that used to be involved in nights on the town. Aaah, my youth! Where did it go? Mind you, when we got back to the hotel, everything I was wearing stank of cigarette smoke and I remembered how bad I used to feel with a hangover! Maybe this healthy shit is OK after all.

We had booked into our fave hotel for the night to have a good day on Friday in the city. A little shopping, culture and wining and dining. I was looking forward to the triumvirate of supreme shopping - Johnny Loulous, Jenners and Harvey Nicks. These plans were to hit the dust though as somewhere along the line, Mr P and I picked up some kind of gastric flu. Ugh, I was merrily making my way down the escalator in Markies and I sneezed.... Clean knicker alert. =o

That was the point that I threw in the towel and got on the mobile phone to Mr P and told him we had to hit the road home pronto! And I did not make it to Ikea either! Bah! Still feeling a little punk but a few slugs of Pepto did the trick eventually. Ah, home sweet home!