PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Lalalala...Feeling Groovy

Well, as groovy as one can feel 11 days away from a donor cycle in another hemisphere.

The oral estrogen started today and barring a few close calls, the week was relatively incident-free. Mr P is still alive, you will be glad to hear.

I hope it is not a sign but my two tomato plants are heading for the compost heap this weekend, having produced zero tomatoes. Flowers, tallness, leaves, yes but no fruit. Hmmm. A less well-balanced person could be thrown totally by that but me??? Ommmm.

I know it has been the cold and wet summer we had.....nothing else.

My nieces and nephew are here this weekend so there will be no rest until Monday.

Luckily, this last week of work should be pretty quiet. I have not a seminar or a workshop or even a presentation to deliver. Bliss. Just counting down to Friday when my 3 weeks holiday will start.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

My Motto For Today Definitely Contains Swear Words

I got those lupron period blues already and it is only CD2.

I woke up this morning in a pool of blood and with my head in a vice. It was not really in a vice but it surely felt like it.

Yesterday I was totally pollyannaesque, going "This is my last period until after the twins are born....wheeeee...giggle....giggle". A total hormone high. Yeah, I could have slapped myself.

Today it is the opposite end of the spectrum and doom and gloom abounds.

Today, in my head is the Bill Hicks-esque monologue "Who are you trying to kid??? You are zero for two already and that is just fresh donor cycles. Do you want to count those failed IVFs too?? Huh, huh??? Well, do ya?????".

Aaaah, the fun of the hormones. I checked my archives for last year and they are really so handy for reminding me of the manic behaviour, depression, exhaustion and killer headaches. So. handy. Every girl should have them.

Anyhoo, what was I blithering on about????

Oh yes, the worst thing about having a period is sneezing during a period. Really, can we have any more fun???

Then the second worst thing is my annoying stepfather coming round to visit and I am expected to listen to his inane drivel for 3 hours. I was going to kill him but Mr P gave me that look that said I would just upset my mother and the blood would never come out of the rug.

I took myself off to hide in the kitchen with Mr Pinot and Mr Grigio instead and I found them much more amenable and soothing.

Next blog post will be my rant about Studio 60 and the lack of any further episodes. I bet you cannot wait.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Here I Go Again

I woke up this morning, feeling like somebody had punched me in the stomach.

It had been presaged by the brown sludge and spotting last night.

Yes, today is CD1 and depot lupron day. Come on down, Madame Menopausal.

I totally fudged up the injection as it has been over a year since I tangled with the business end of a syringe. Why, oh why does the Ginecrin come with Spanish instructions only? My schoolgirl Spanish is creaky enough without the added pressure of doing a shot right NOW!!!!

However, it is done and thankfully I only have 7 days to endure the worst before the sweet, sweet estrogen starts.

I had the whole pharmacopoeia of drugs out of the wardrobe, counting and checking what was there. The PIO, the prog pessaries, the estrogen tablets, the valium, the 5mg folic acid tablets, the baby aspirin. The only things I am missing are antibiotics but they did not seem to make much difference last time so what the heck.

Of course, these are in addition to the usual suspects of the daily Metformin, Methyldopa, Armour thyroid and Prozac. And the vitamins. I am not sure if I have enough suitcases ;)

Without a backward glance of regret, I binned some totally out-of-date Gonal-f and Menopur as I will never use them again, even if they had been within date. I had been hanging onto these, just for the sake of it and occasionally offered them out to people cycling but the time had come.

I do like to hang onto the thousands of spare needles as you never know when you might need to do a DIY tattoo or create a collage or litter them round your house so you can seem totally cool to your 18 year-old godson and he will think we are doing bad drugs.

OK, maybe not.

Apparently, egg collection from my donor will be around October 14th. Totally makes me hoot as that was never a given with me. Maybe someone should have shouted "Giant Clue - DE!!!" to me back then. Or maybe I just liked playing Russian Roulette with my ovaries.

No motto for today.

Tomorrow my motto will probably be Fuck Right Off but we shall see.

PS. the spell check wants to change folic to frolic.

Ha!! Yeah right. As if. Do I look like I am in the mood for a frolic???

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

One Wedding and a Funeral

Yes, that is my itinerary for this week.

Sadly this weekend, my cousin passed away, just short of 40. She fought long and hard against breast cancer but the secondaries spread too far, too fast. Rest in peace, H.

The funeral is tomorrow and since my father's funeral 12 years ago, I cannot bear to attend them. Oh, I do attend and pay my respects but it brings all the memories flooding back. Once you have lost a parent, time heals but you can still be side-swiped by the most esoteric things. Funerals, however, are the worst.

It is the same thing at weddings. I always reach for Mr P's hand and smile at the memories of our happy day. I am usually the one rolling my eyes at the flower arrangements and evil-ly muttering "I give them a year" (especially if they are young), but I enjoy the reverie of my own trip down marital lane.

For the record, my prediction is usually sadly accurate.

After the funeral tomorrow, comes the wedding rehearsal dinner in the evening for Mr P's nephew. Talk about switching gears! I am still trying to co-ordinate an outfit which will work for both events. Not the easiest of tasks.

Luckily there are no problems with the actual wedding gear for Saturday's ceremony. It is going to be a marquee wedding and we have not had any rain for over 3 weeks. Chances are good that my heels will survive.

I am not sure my bruised and battered heart will.

PS 4 weeks today.

PPS several bloggers nominated me as a Rocking Girl Blogger which has totally embarrassed me. By the time I get around to thinking about it, there will be no-one else left to nominate ;)

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Ok Go

I have just had a huge shock.

A period snuck up on me. Yes, it is CD42 and I have very irregular cycles but this never, ever happens to me. A defective egg feels like the Alien bursting out to me and there is no missing it when it happens. Then the 12-13 days of super-bloat, sugar cravings and generally wanting to kill people. None of that this time.

I did have some ovary pain this week but I thought I had a cyst. They were like super-sharp twinges but PCOS is the gift that never stops so any sturm and drang that goes on down there is pretty much par for the PCOS-course.

No matter. All it means is today is the 1st Yasmin pill and in 3 weeks-ish, it is the depot lupron shot.

The way this year is flying by, it will be Xmas card writing time any day now.