Pamplemousse

PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Optimistic Voices

Twice this week, I have had to tell someone that my mum died suddenly and no, it was not the breast cancer but other metastasised tumours and yes, it was a terrible shock and no, she did not know at the end and yes, thank goodness it was quick. I know it has only been 3 months but at times it feels like 3 seconds and yet at other times, 3 years.

How can the map of my world be re-drawn so quickly? I don't know where I am.

I am trying to have an optimistic voice, like Dorothy, but it is so hard. This reminds me so much of Mum as we loved the Wizard of Oz and watched it so many times together.

I changed the profile photo from Miss Pops to an old photo from 1968 of me, my mum and my middle brother. She looks so young but that is because she was only 19.

It is one of my favourite photos but there are very few of us all together in those days as we did not own a camera. In 1968, Mum had not yet lost my baby sister at birth and had not had my youngest brother. She did not know what was ahead of her.

Actually, it is a blessing that none of us do.



You're out of the woods, you're out of the dark, you're out of the night;
Step into the sun, step into the light.

8 Comments:

At 2:00 AM, Blogger Jess said...

I'm thinking of you here. I'm sorry about everything. You're right...it's good that we don't know the crap that will happen. Can you imagine? Ugh.

Good to hear from you, though, just to check in. I'm just sorry that the circumstance isn't nicer for you.

That pic is lovely, btw.

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

You're right, it's a good thing that we don't know the future.

The loss of your mother so suddenly must be terrible to bear, but I'm glad you're still standing.

It's a lovely picture, a thing to cherish.

 
At 9:51 PM, Anonymous B.Mare said...

Oh, honey. This made me cry.

I like to believe that there are very good things ahead for all of us, as well as the bad. And that you're on a road (behind the wheel, even!) to more of the former than the latter.

Drive along and see us, please. We'd love to congratulate in person, and give you a hug.

Mxx

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger tonya said...

What a sweet photo that is! I agree that it is a good thing we can't see the future, as much as some days it seems very attractive to wish for.

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger millie said...

That's such a lovely photo! I do think it's a blessing that we don't know what's ahead of us as tempting as that sounds.

Thinking of you. I hope you get some time home soon. And have lots of time to think about your trip here!

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

I think a 1000 science fiction novels have shown that if you do, perchance, learn what's going to happen to you, it almost never happens. So it would be a bit pointless, on that basis?

It is a gorgeous picture, you all look like you are having fun. I had no idea your mum had you so early - 16, 17? She looks like a very fun mum. I can imagine you miss her horribly.

Keep on stepping, sweetie.

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger beagle said...

I have missed you voice, your voices. Thinking of you and wishing comfort in the memories.

xo

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger Mike Hussey said...

Doctors don't know what causes infertility in about half the cases in men, but think many men's infertility problems may be rooted in their genes.

 

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