BREAKING NEWS...Innocent Blogger Mangled in Drive-by

Just as I was beginning to get my head round the fact that I have finally tiptoed onto the Yellow Brick road paved with Provera and Synarel that leads to IVF (maybe!), I had a pregnancy announcement drive-by. I was blindsided, completely unprepared and shattered. Now I know that at times the sight of bumps and small children in TV adverts send me running for the hills but usually I can suck it up, be happy for them and move along albeit in an infertile sad limping fashion.

This is different as it is Mr P's niece who has been married for a fair while now and is only a couple of years younger than me. I guess, but don't know, that she may be acquainted with the sad rigours of infertility. However, this being your usual taciturn, dour Scottish family, there is not any talk of such notions. Carry on regardless - there are sheep to be fed etc etc. Let us not ever talk of feelings. However, Mr P knew when he received the news that it would be hard on me. He just gave me a hug and left me to the inevitable tears and gasps of "Why not me?". He knows I would rather roil in my own misery and lets face it, who can talk when there is that much crying going on? It was a snotfest and I cried myself to sleep. The emotional hangover has hung on for a few days now. I don't know why it doesn't stop hurting. I am happy for them but I want to be happier for me.

Where is my iPod? I need some butt-kicking headbanging music.