PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Spaghetti Junction

My brain is like spaghetti at the moment. If I was at work right now, I would be totally stressed out haha!

First of all, on the pregnancy front, we are almost not pregnant. Frankly, thank fuck. My HCG went from 3oo-something last Monday to 26 yesterday. No wonder I have been in the toilet emotions-wise. My body is trying to reverse so fast that everything is spinning.

I am still having residual pain (sharp at times) on the side where the ectopic is. The scan yesterday showed the mass is still there but my RE said that it will eventually be reabsorbed into my body. Eeew.

It is the same size, if not a little bigger than my ovary and pressed right on top of it hence the pain. It is more like bad ovary pain than anything else. I keep reminding myself that there is not much room in there and my ovary is protesting at the squatter. Get out, begone, leave me alone.

On the emotional side, I have been indulging in some very unhealthy emotional eating of the sugar kind. You will remember that prior to this DE cycle, I was all about the organic skimmmed milk, bottled water, healthy carbs, my body is a temple preparing to bear my beautiful child, etc, etc. Blech.

Well, that has pretty much fallen by the wayside again and it is all pretty much "What can I eat to make me feel good temporarily and then horribly sick as my blood sugar hits new terrifying highs??". So hence yesterday's gourmet menu (aided and abetted by a side trip to M&S on the way to the clinic):

6 pieces of caramel shortcake
2 iced fruit buns
sushi selection (with free bag of grapes when you spent over £2.50 on sushi)
umpteen cocktail mini sausages
cheese and onion crisps
bombay aloo
chicken dopiaza
pilau rice
onion bhaji nan bread
1 choc ice

Needless to say, by the time I staggered to bed after Big Love, I was ready to heave and was bleating piteously for the Rap-eze indigestion sweeties. Nobody's fault but my own.

However, I am not allowing this orgy of over-eating to continue. Miraculously, I am the same weight I was before I started this last cycle and it is time to re-focus on healthy eating again. Without a focus, I am lost so I have been busy this week.

We have picked a donor for SA, she has accepted, deposits are being paid this week and I am now on the medical documents paperchase for the clinic.

Things have moved fast as I am not prepared to wait for longer than necessary. The time frame should mean that it will be 3 months from the meth shot and hopefully, end of Sept/beginning of October, I will be healed and ready for this next go.

In between that, Deadwood, The Shield and Huff are returning to UK TV screens just to keep me happy. I mean I know I already have Big Love, Lost, CSI Everywhere and NYPD Blue (4 episodes a week!!) to occupy me but a girl can't have too much American TV to entertain her in times of emotional crises.

Oh, I just noticed that it is Independence Day today. I hope you are all enjoying yourself on a beach somewhere. I hate when nobody posts cos they are all on holiday. I imagine everyone doing glamorous things in the Hamptons, or on a yacht, or lounging by the side of a pool. Even in this country, the southern half are getting 90 degree temps where as per usual, here North of the border, torrential rain and thunder storms and lucky to be 70 degrees are the order of the day. No wonder we are all depressed here.


At 2:26 PM, Blogger Avonlea said...

I'm glad you see yourself on the path of healing and are not going to indulge in sugar anymore - you are quite sweet enough as is.

So it's SA - good for you, I know you've been thinking about that for a long time. We'll all be here to help you heal and help you get yourself there.

If you're looking for other good American TV (no comments on your choices - don't watch most of them) might I suggest you get a hold of Project Runway - such a great show even if you're not a fashion whore.

At 2:59 PM, Anonymous amanda said...

I'm so sorry you're still having to deal with the pain and lingering HCG. I'm glad things are moving along with the new plan, though. There's definitely something to be said for sugar and TV. You're in my thoughts.

At 4:00 PM, Anonymous annmarie said...

First of all, the amount of American TV over there is insane! I am very much into Big Love at the moment, and I also recommend Project Runway: catty fashionistas creating art and trashing one another. Perfect! No glamorous Independence day plans here. It is hot as hell and rain is in the forecast. Can't wait for a downpour so we can cool off.

I'm glad to know you are looking ahead and I understand your food setback completely. You'll get through this.

At 5:03 PM, Blogger DD said...

Did you know they will have a CSI Nebraska? I play a crazy infertile who steals embryos from the clinic. Oh, that's been done? Damn.

I just wanted to see you smile, even if it was in response to me being a total twit.

I keep thinking of you and hoping that each day gets just a bit better than the last.

At 6:17 PM, Blogger S said...

Sorry to hear that you're still in pain, and I'm hoping that everything will move along quickly so you can move on to what's next.

As for enjoying the 4th-NOT!! The big story here is that our Governor shut the government down on Saturday, due to the fact that the Assembly can't come to an agreement to the budget. That means that all public parks and beaches will close tomorrow-ARRGH!! Plus, it's crappy outside...

It's funny, there's so much American TV that UK'ers watch, and then a lot of the Americans are watching BBC America-kinda interesting, no?

At 6:58 PM, Blogger linda said...

It may be independance day here in the colonies, but sadly we're not doing anything so glamorous as yachting, or even going to the beach...but that DOES sound nice!

Today, J is turning sound knobs at a "chili cookoff festival" in Palo Alto (ie, near Stanford University), and I'm going to be showing property to a client of mine in the early evening.

So it's another work day for us. :-)

At 7:13 PM, Blogger soralis said...

Sorry to hear that you are still in pain. I wish you the very best and hope that you feel a little better soon.

Take care

At 8:42 PM, Blogger Jess said...

I'm so happy to see a post from you, it sounds like you're getting on your way to recovery and treatment. After my miscarriage I wasn't wanting to wait at all (I didn't have a meth shot) but it turned out the one month was ok and good to heal. It flew by, and I'm sure you'll be busy during this time and it'll be time to start again before you know it.

Glad to see that you indulged yourself a little...once in a while doesn't hurt, especially in times like these.

Thanks for the July 4th wishes...nothing on the beach or a yacht for us...we're having a bbq and campfire tonight with family, though. Hope you've got nice plans, even though it's not a holiday for you!

At 8:48 PM, Blogger Kris said...

Mmmm... caramel shortcake. Sorry you are still feeling the physical pain. Thanks for your hopes- but no beach for me either- though I'd kill to be on one. Just a neighborhood cookout where I will be the only non "stay at home mom who plays tennis with other SAHMs while the kids are in pre-school". Yeah, I could definitely kill to be at the beach.

At 9:25 PM, Anonymous Manuela said...

I'm here! I'm posting!

I'm so sorry this is taking so long to finally LEAVE your system... what a bloody yo-yo experience this has been for you.

Sending much love, my friend.

At 10:00 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

Thank goodness for a little diversity in the blogosphere then!

You have a plan, that's fabulous. And it's well underway, even better.

I hope your body heals quickly.

At 2:14 AM, Blogger Nico said...

I really hope that SA is the ticket for you!!! I'm sorry you're still not done with all the physical repercussions, I hope they're over soon.

At 5:33 AM, Blogger Teendoc said...

Oh we are going to miss each other! My FET is on September 15th. I'm taking my dad with me as a birthday present for him.

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

I can't believe that mass is still there. Stupid thing doesn't know a good chemo drug when it's given it in spades. I do hope it goes soon and you can start feeling a bit more normal. A bit.

I so hear you on the comfort eating point. Hence all my baking. H is keen to do a healthy eating plan, though, so I may have to jump on that bandwagon.

I bloody hate this hot weather so will happily swap you for the storms you're having.

At 11:11 AM, Blogger Twisted Ovaries said...

Can I just mention how much I LOVE Big Love, Lost, and CSI? Just wanted to sidetrack off the fertility issues and tell you that you have some good taste in TV :)

At 12:56 PM, Blogger mermaidgrrrl said...

I'm sad for you that you're miserable, but I'm sooooo happy that you're gearing up for the next try. Look to the future babe - you'll be there before you know it *hugs* *smooches*

At 2:20 PM, Blogger chris said...

Glad you have a new plan. Don't feel to bad about the snacking--didn't you know that post-miscarriage junk food doesn't count?

My 4th sucked. It's hot as hell here. Oh, and humid. I hate summer.


Hang in there.

At 4:58 PM, Blogger moo said...

We will pass each other in SA like ships. Me you and teendoc. All within days. Keep me posted as to your progress with the arrangments, as I am dealing with same.

NYPD Blus is an American classic. I used to watch that all the time.


At 5:45 PM, Blogger amyesq said...

Sadly, although I was lounging in the sunshine, my menu from yesterday looked suspiciously like yours. What happened to the Weight Watchers? Hopefully I can fit through the door when I visit.

Damn mass that's still there. I hope you feel better soon.

At 9:27 PM, Blogger Chee Chee said...

I am sorry that you are still experiencing pain. I hope you are feeling much better real soon.

The TV viewing and eating sound great! I love sweets and am addicted to crime dramas. I am a big fan of CSI Miami. It is a bit campy and the entire cast seem to "glow" from all that Florida sunshine.

Take care.

At 10:45 PM, Blogger Beagle said...

If misery truly loves company then I thought I had better let you know that my little corner of the USA is also experiencing very UK-like weather. Rain, rain, rain, thunder, lightening, and more rain.

My garden (such as it is in good times) is a mud pitt of despair . . . a lot like my heart at the moment!

Boo Hiss!

Proud of you for forging ahead!

At 5:58 AM, Blogger Millie said...

So now I can officially say 'woo hoo' for the acceptance? I'm so glad you've got a good plan. I'm happy to share all my SA wisdom with you.

I'm worried about that mass. Please, please, please let it just go away on it's on. I'm begging it. Think that will help?

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Vivien said...

That is a quick hCG drop. Mine was 26 on Monday too - but it had dropped from 76, not 300 the previous Monday.
I think that mass will get "reabsorbed" just as soon as your body has dealt with the SIX chocolate shortbreads!!! Way to go Mrs P!
Sorry to be stupid, but what is SA? I could only think second attempt . . . best of luck anyway, whatever it is - and thank you for being kind to me too.

At 2:00 AM, Blogger ninaB said...

M&S mmmm...crisps..yum.
I tried a different flavour from M&S every day while we were in Dublin and they were delicious with the expection of 'lamb & spices'. I mean really. Who thought lamb flavoured crisps would be a good idea?
But I digress. Glad the HCG is dropping & hoping that 'mass' resolves itself v. soon. Brave woman to have a plan so soon. I am still wallowing in crisps.


Post a Comment

<< Home