Pamplemousse

PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Freak like Me

Thank you for all your wondrous comments on my ring and Mr P. Unfortunately, he should be demanding a divorce after this week as I have been freaking to hell.

My egg donor will (hopefully) be a family member who is not blood-related. She made this offer to me the day that the clinic informed me that yet again, no embryos had survived the incubator of death. At the time, I could not wrap my head around the concept but as time passed and Mr P and I had long discussions about where our lives were headed and came to terms with our loss, we decided that we would accept this wonderful gift.

I truly do not regret any genetic loss from my side. I have gifts but nothing that cannot be learnt or taught. I am genetically imperfect myself in that I have PCOS and diabetes and myopia and a propensity for dramaqueenage. Mr P has innate talents in music and maths and fiddly IT things that I would rather have the potential to be passed on to a child. He is kind and loving and thinks that there is nothing but good in the world.

I think an inevitable consequence of IF and its water-on-stone effect on your self esteem means that it is easier to accept the dark side, to grasp the nettle of genetics. My body does not work so let's bypass it. The whole nature vs nurture argument has rumbled on for decades and I am all about the nurture.

In my own mind, I am happy with the potential genetic mix. My donor has the same hair colour, eye colour and skin tone as me. She is thinner and of a slighter build but that is no bad thing! She is well-educated and thoughtful. She would be a good choice, even if she was an anonymous donor.

To be a UK egg donor, you must be under 35, have no horrible diseases and have completed your family. She fits the bill. HFEA rules demand that mandatory counselling be undertaken by any potential donor, known or anonymous. Her appointment for this is next week. As we crawl closer and closer to this, my hamster wheel mind is conjuring up disaster scenarios like Steven Spielberg on speed. Will she change her mind? Will her family make her change her mind? Will Mr P change his mind? Will I?

That last question is moot. I will not.

27 Comments:

At 4:57 PM, Blogger amyesq said...

Oh my dear, that is the most wonderful news I have heard all day! Congratulations on this new step! I can't wait to go along for the ride with you.

 
At 6:09 PM, Anonymous Molly said...

Hooray! It's wonderful to see you moving from one stage to the next. Best of luck.

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger April said...

Congratulations on finding the path to this next step in your journey.

My thoughts will be with all of you as you continue to move on .

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger Brenda Sumner said...

This is most definately a HUGE step in the right direction. Sure anxiety is going to take over for a bit, bit it'll be worth it in the end. I'll be here rooting you on the whole way!

 
At 6:57 PM, Anonymous Jenn said...

Good luck on this next step.

 
At 7:02 PM, Blogger Nico said...

Adding my good wishes! I'm sure that your donor thought it through, both before she offered and since. I don't see any backing out at this stage. And I can't imagine Mr P changing his mind either. So thinking good thoughts for the meeting next week, and soon to follow cycle!

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger Millie said...

Yay...this is such good news. I'm totally with you on the nuture side of things (though I didn't realize that dramaqueenage was genetic--should I have my donor tested?). Oh your donor sounds like a great fit for you! I'm sure it will all go well next week but will be thinking of you. And excited to hear the next steps!

 
At 7:35 PM, Blogger Donna said...

I've also thought that as long as my child had my husband's genes that I would be fine with it -- I'm so glad you are moving forward with this, I will continue to follow your journey.

 
At 7:57 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

Such exciting news! Good luck to you and mr. P.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger Karen said...

How wonderful! Your donor sounds like a gem.

 
At 10:58 PM, Blogger DD said...

Something must be in the air...bloggers everywhere are meeting their uncertainties head-on and moving FORWARD!

I hope the counseling, which I'm sure will go well, gives the hampster a chance to slow down and take it easy for a while.

 
At 11:09 PM, Anonymous pixi said...

Hey, I rather like your dramaqueenieness, but you could probably pass that on through nurture, as well. But seriously, I think it's just wonderful that you have things in motion. There's a bunch of fingers crossed out here with hopes that everything will come through. Best of luck to you.

 
At 1:12 AM, Anonymous T said...

Aw, I'm so happy for you!

 
At 1:12 AM, Anonymous Susan/holdingpattern said...

That is wonderful, wonderful news. I am very hopeful for you.

 
At 3:56 AM, Anonymous mm said...

Oh how thrilling!! A plan! A moving forward! A positive step! Yipppeeee! We'll be here, rooting from the sidelines the whole way.

 
At 6:02 PM, Blogger fisher queen said...

Great great news! How wonderful she is to help you. I don't think she'd back out- to make the offer itself is such a commitment.

I am beginning to think about egg donor too. I'm actually very comfortable with it (which surprises me), and I would be thrilled to be able to see my husband in our child.

Can't wait to see what happens next for you!

 
At 6:50 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

Hey that's great news. She must be a pretty cool person to offer. I'm very pleased for you, hoping it all goes well, and fast!

 
At 7:02 PM, Anonymous wessel said...

Oh, how wonderful, wonderful, wonderful that someone offered to donate her eggs! That is so great and must give you such renewed hope. Yes, dealing with losing the genetic connection is difficult and I feel compelled to warn you that even though you have times where you feel you are fine with it, you may also have moments of deep sorrow and bitterness about it too. I waffle back and forth, back and forth, but I think I have mostly accepted it and am happy to move on. Anyway, GOOD LUCK!

 
At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Julianna said...

That is such wonderful news!

I am so excited for you as you take your next step.

 
At 11:04 PM, Anonymous Lori said...

That is fantastic news. Sounds like it's a great step forward. Good luck!!

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger MC said...

I'm so excited for you. congratulations

 
At 10:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another reader who is so cheered by this news, who thinks this is the right step and wants to continue reading about you and your child.

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger zhl said...

What great news, P, and what a generous offer. Can't wait to hear what happens next.

 
At 9:34 PM, Blogger Ova Girl said...

Goodluck! It's great news and you sound so goddammned DETERMINED!

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger Sparkle said...

Fantastic, I feel the same way about DE. Can't wait for this to get started and to hear all about it.

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger betty said...

Oooh this sounds hopeful and you have an excellent attitude! I like the ring mmmm

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger tania said...

Wonderful news!

She sounds like a wonderful donor!

 

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