PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Monday, May 09, 2005

There is a light that never goes out

I went back to work today after being off since a week past Wednesday. I used a couple of days annual leave, bank holiday last Monday and paid special leave from work from Tuesday onwards. My employer has fantastic benefits which include paid time off for fertility treatments. I could also have a year's maternity leave but hey! Lets not jump the gun here.

I had already spoken to my colleagues and my boss a couple of times so they knew what happened. So I think they were a bit surprised when I bounced in this morning at 8am like a Tigger unleashed. I think I surprised myself. I am not sure what is going on. I should feel bad, sad, mad or a combo of all 3. The 150 e-mails in my work inbox alone should have pushed me over the edge.

Did I not just have a completely crappy cycle that totally blew chunks? Have I not been feeling so punk that all I wanted to do was sleep, drink water and watch the Hallmark channel? Do I not have to wait until July to cycle again on IVF#2? Yes, yes and yes. So why do I not feel worse? It is all my RE's fault.

My RE on Thursday came over all Pollyanna and said that she was really hopeful that next cycle would be better. Mr P's count was stellar but we would do ICSI anyway as it would help in the event of another small amount of eggs retrieved. She said that she was so proud of me for keeping my weight, BP and blood sugar under control. She said my eggs looked fine. I didn't even cry.

Not even when I was looking about in the clinic for the other 3 women who had retrieval the same day as me. Maybe their transfers were earlier or later.

I so hope they made it.

I so hope it is me next time.


At 12:02 AM, Anonymous Jenn said...

I hope it's you next time too. And what great benefits!

At 12:19 AM, Blogger penelope said...

It's spring! Let the hopeful gamboling begin - that's what you do over in Britain right?

So glad that Monday dawned sunny for you.

At 12:21 AM, Blogger penelope said...

let me explain:

To dance and skip about in sport; to frisk; to skip; to play
in frolic, like boys or lambs.

boys or lambs? how about with boys and lambs? or like lambs with boys? now that sounds more like more fun

At 12:35 AM, Blogger amyesq said...

Here's hoping you are putting those fantastic benefits to work for you quite shortly. And that the time flies until July.

At 1:22 AM, Blogger Internal Spring said...

You Morrissey fan! It will be you next time. You're a light that will never go out. Thanks for giving me the courage to take the chance.

At 7:04 AM, Blogger Millie said...

First I was all jealous about your great benefits but then I realized you have a whole HALLMARK channel???? Man, now I'm truly green.

I hope the spring flies by and it's suddenly July. Much better to be Tigger than Eeyore (though I think I've got that one covered for you).

At 5:24 PM, Anonymous T said...

It'll be July before you know it - good luck!

At 5:56 PM, Blogger MsPrufrock said...

There is a Light that never goes out...awesome. I've thought about making all my post titles Moz/Smiths lyrics, but I guess that would kinda be lame.

It's nearly mid-May now, so July will be here before you know it. Hopefully not long after you will be thinking of putting those great benefits to use.

At 5:17 AM, Blogger DeadBug said...

Sweetheart, I hope it's you next time, too. And I'll be there shooting up and freaking out with you every step of the way.


At 6:25 PM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Thank you my friends! I really, really appreciate all the support.

Pru, I could name all my titles using Moz/Smiths lyrics and probably never run out!

Penelope, its OK. Lotsa gambolling goes on over here-mainly Flopsy, Mopsy and their voracious plant-eating friends.

Millie, the Hallmark channel is where I get my fix of cheesy movies, Family Law, Judging Amy, etc etc. Sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me going, other than Moz!

Bug, I told you we will deffo be holding hands!

Sunshine and love to all the other ladies too!

At 7:03 PM, Anonymous amanda said...

I so hope it's you next time, too. I'm glad your RE is hopeful. That always helps.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger wessel said...

Pamplemousse, I'm just now getting over to your blog, so I missed all the sorrow that you were going through. I'm so sorry about your blows-chunks cycle. But you do sound like you are ready to bounce back and try again. And I do so hope that it WILL be your turn next.


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