Rain on my parade

We knew it was a long shot - my age, poor response, disalignment of the universe. I woke up this morning and my first conscious thought was "they are all dead". I could not shake that feeling and it was confirmed by phone 2 hours later.

Only one of the 2 mature eggs fertilized and 2 were immature.

The chosen one fertilized abnormally. The embryologist said that either too many sperm had their wicked way with it or it was just a bad egg. I hope it was the daisychain party in the petri dish that was the problem as I like to think something has been having some fun at my expense.

I felt worse today after my post-retrieval euphoria yesterday. More pain, more dizziness, more nausea. I felt even worse after I fainted in the hall and crashed through Mr P's study door. Cue CDs falling off shelves and a small earthquake being monitored in Eastern Scotland. He should just be grateful I didn't crush his new synth. The nurse at the hospital blamed the after-effects of the anaesthesia and the shock of the bad news this morning. I am just glad that I have the rest of the week off work to recover from all my bruises.

Tomorrow we are having a post-mortem of this cycle with the doctor. She is really nice but I am dreading the conversation. I am pissed off crying in hospitals. No, make that pissed off crying in general.