PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

You Say Ectopic, I Say Mehctopic, Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

Tuesday U/S showed my ute as clean as a whistle. It practically had tumbleweeds blowing through it. Lining was 4mm and no sign of any uterine occupants. All that bleeding with clots last week sure did the job.

There was no sign of fluid in the ute or the pouch of Douglas which could indicate an ectopic. I am not having any bleeding or pain.

And yet...and yet...the HCG rises. It went up to 329 yesterday from 203 a week before.

I go back tomorrow and if the HCG is falling, great. If it rises, then I suspect it will be treated as an ectopic.

I warned the clinic that I am going to London in a week and if something was going to be done, it would have to be this week. I suspect the meth shot but who really knows at this point.

Certainly not me. I hate my body for its inability to do anything right. I wanted a simple miscarriage, not an extended bloody drama again.

I doubt its ability to ever do it right.

In the meantime, it is dark here at 3pm in the afternoon. How appropriate for my mood. I have been exercising my retail therapy muscles online and doing all my xmas shopping. Luckily, most of my gifts come from Amazon.

Of course, I cannot just spend on other people. As it is practically wintertime and the time when all middle-aged women turn their thoughts to knee-high boots, I have just received in the post some new boots.

Now I must caveat that I have calves like a rugby player so normally boots laugh and snigger at me as I try to zip them up but this online company is a lifesaver for those both thick and thin-calved. They also ship internationally ;)

I now have my eye on another pair.

My retail therapy has also extended to the canine variety. We are picking up a puppy when we return from London. We have been talking about it for years and now the garden is puppy-safe, the time is right.


At 5:12 PM, Blogger Beagle said...

I'm so sorry the agony continues.
I can't wait to meet you new pup when you get back. S/he's bound to bring loads of distraction and a bunch of cheer.

At 5:30 PM, Blogger PiquantMolly said...


Well, boots and puppies help a bit, I'm sure.

I'm thinking of you.

At 5:46 PM, Blogger Anna said...

Oh, crap. I'm so sorry, P. I was still holding out hope. I am so sorry.

The boots look gorgeous and and I'm looking forward to seeing pics of the puppy. Hobnobs, anyone?

At 6:07 PM, Anonymous Lynnette said...

How shitty. I'm sorry this is taking so long or that it is even happening in the first place. I am looking forward to hearing about your new puppy (I have four IF animals myself, you know). Jacks/Parsons are one of our favorites. We didn't co-sleep with the girls, but my smallest dachshund still sleeps curled up by my tummy at night. I love her. She makes me happy.

At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Jitters said...

The human brain is amazing, yes, but it can not tell our bodies to do what we want and avoid what we don't. It should be simple, but as we all know it isn't.

Enjoy your new friend. I got mine after a bitter miscarriage 3 years ago and feared he would always be my loss dog. HE is much more than that and I love him for it daily. I was not and am still not ready to let those losses go and he reminds me of them is a decent way with a wagging tail and a slobbering kiss.

At 7:17 PM, Blogger DeadBug said...

I am so sorry, and I will be thinking about you. I'm hoping the earnest, loyal sweentess of your new canine friend lightens your heart.


At 9:44 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

the pictures of that dog made me smile, I can't wait to hear about the puppy.

So sorry about the sucky beta. I think if it is an ectopic we should send you to an exorcist or something, the amount of crap you've had to deal with is really extraordinary.

At 10:24 PM, Blogger millie said...

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I'd say excuse my language but please don't. This is NOT supposed to happen.

I am hoping hoping hoping for a falling beta.

I love the new puppy and can't wait to see much more of her.

At 12:13 AM, Blogger Summer said...

Love the boots. Love the puppy. Hate the hcg numbers. I hope you get some good news after the next hcg numbers come back.

At 2:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry you are stuck in this hell. I hope it is over soon, without the meth.

At 5:31 AM, Blogger Jess said...

I'm sorry. Ugh.

Hopefully you can get things done at a fast pace. And then enjoy your trip.

At 1:12 PM, Blogger Vivien said...

Oh for goodness sake! I am so sorry - this is utter crap for you and I so hope you don't have to have the meth.

Puppy sounds great, and will bring loads of love I'm sure - but keep the boots away from him while he's at the chewy stage!

At 1:23 AM, Blogger moo said...

Love the puppy. I can speak from experience that a puppy helps. Hence my screen name, it is my puppy. well, her nickname anyway. I'm sorry about the shitty beta. Thinking of you. xxmoo

At 7:03 PM, Anonymous April said...

I am so incredibly sorry.


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