PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

No Chocolate Eggs For Me* (Updated)

As I sit here and and a hot flash roils over my body, I sigh and think of how much I would love some chocolate. I seem to have traded the headaches for the hot flashes this weekend. I am not sure which is worse.

Actually, what is worse is knowing that my sweet donor is suffering much, much worse than I. At least, with an anonymous egg donor, you do not know what is happening with them and can only remotely worry. I can worry firsthand on the phone as she relates her constant hot flashes, nausea, dizziness and fatigue. I feel bad. So bad.

She is dealing with it like a trooper whilst I can only cry. I keep telling her that she has had 2 children so she can survive anything.

Me? I am an old crone and have been proven to survive everything since the dawn of time, as long as I can cry at the same time too.

* I am a Type 2 diabetic and therefore no chocolate eggs = stable blood sugar.

Lots of variables in this cycle are outwith my control but this is the one thing that is my complete responsibility. But I would love to be cramming my face with Cadbury's Creme Eggs right this minute. Instead, my Easter pudding was custard (made with skim milk and a little Splenda) and prunes. Deep joy.


At 3:28 PM, Blogger Avonlea said...

I'm sorry that both of you are suffering hormone side effects. I wish I had a magic wand and could wisk them away.

I'm very sorry that you can't indulge in some chocolate - now when you need it the most (why?) what about hot cocoa? Some other alternative?

I really believe you're going to make it, hang in there!

At 5:19 PM, Anonymous Ann Marie said...

I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable! Please don't apologize to your donor! Sure, she's struggling through the hormone fluctuations too, but she's got the 2 kids there as a reminder of how fulfilling this process can be. Remember that you've been through hell and have paid your dues...She's probably sitting on her couch right now thinking about you. You're a strong woman and you will get through this. And if you have to shed a tear in the process, so be it. I'm proud of you and admire your efforts to be mom.

At 5:52 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I am so sorry for your nasty side effects - it just sucks. I am struck by your sympathy for your donor - does it ever amaze you how as infertile women we are so caring for others? I think that's probably only good thing that has come out of infertility for me.

I spent a long time last night thinking about you and sending you good wishes for this cycle. Hang in there, I really hope you are going to get there.

At 6:02 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so grotty, and your donor too. Why oh why no chocolate? Tell me it isn't true...

At 6:16 PM, Blogger Millie said...

Why no chocolate? Inquiring minds want to know. My RE said I could eat anything and drink anything up until transfer day.

I hope both you and your donor feel better soon. I remember the horrible hot flashes.

It won't be long now. Thinking of you and wishing I could do something to make you feel better.

At 6:20 PM, Blogger DD said...

It's an amazing relationship you and your donor have. Even if you are currently both suffering, I hope you will both soon be celebrating.

What about chocolate milk?

At 6:36 PM, Anonymous Lori said...

No chocolate? What madness is that?? And at such a crucial time no less.
Sorry to hear you and your donor are feeling those nasty side effects.

At 7:48 PM, Blogger Chee Chee said...

You are no old crone! I am so sorry that you and your donor are suffering so.

Try to hang in there.

At 9:43 PM, Blogger UtRus said...

you are compassionate to worry so much about your donor - i admire her for doing what she's doing and i admire you for being so grateful and human. hang in there and ... yeah, why no chokky?

At 3:18 AM, Blogger Coloratura said...

I agree with Millie... have a little chocolate, it's in the Donor Recipient's Bill of Rights, I believe... :)

Seriously, hope tomorrow (whenever that is for you) finds you feeling a wee bit better and one day sooner to being done with cycling and on to babydom. I wish you so much luck.

At 3:49 AM, Blogger Sue said...

Hope you're feeling better. It's so unfair that we have to go through all this science to have a baby, but "they" tell me it's worth it! Hang in there and keep us posted.

At 5:48 AM, Anonymous Manuela said...

Ah, darlin'... you know what I wish right now... that I could somehow arrange a meeting of all of my infertile pals who are really suffering right now... my thoughts are with you, love. And if you ever want to chat... just email the word!

At 5:53 AM, Blogger linda said...

I can't imagine not being able to have chocolate...and combined with hotflashes...unbearable.

It is so strange how cycles can vary for a woman. Mine, too, is off to a strange start.

At 7:24 AM, Blogger mermaidgrrrl said...

Poor both of you! At least you can commiserate with each other and be absolute whingers without holding back on the whinginess. Let's hope there's no more of this madness ever again because there'll be a baby on the way soon!

At 2:32 PM, Blogger Beagle said...

Oh . . . crappy-ity-crap! They need to find an easier way to do this IVF thing. I am so sorry that you and donor are feeling the pain.

(I'm also sorry for mentioning the C. word so often!)

Good for you having the discipline to take care of your body. I have three diabetics in the family. I'm proud of you for resisting all temptation during this crazy time!

At 8:41 PM, Anonymous Erin said...

My thoughts are with you.

Keep on crying if that's what gets you through it all!

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Coloratura said...

oh, I wish I'd known that before I started prescribing chocolate... I'm a ninny!

well, you get extra points for being a conscientious woman who is taking care of herself so that she can have a baby.

of course, if you were a crack whore, you wouldn't get the points, but you'd have 4 children by now, with one on the way... ;/

At 11:44 PM, Anonymous Lynnette said...

I hear ya, sista! They're killing me, too...Doesn't help that it 92 degrees F here, while I'm packing...I'm really excited that your cycle is beginning. If I get to busy to write, its not because I'm not thinking good thoughts for you. GL!

At 11:55 PM, Blogger Demeter said...

Chocolate is so overrated. Don't worry about it. I am waiting and hoping for you. The time is getting closer. Your donor is a trooper! Whoo Hoo!

At 1:26 AM, Blogger Avonlea said...

But sweetie, haven't you discovered diabetic chocolate? It's a beautiful thing. If there is none there, you'll just have to fly over for a visit so I can give you some.

(I keep looking for ways of enticing you over - since I can't afford it myself LOL)

At 2:34 AM, Blogger Sparkle said...

Sorry the side effects are so horrid, same for your donor. Somehow it does seem worse - we expect to feel the pain because of what we've been through ...

Take care - you must be getting to the business end of this cycle soon?

At 8:25 PM, Blogger Nico said...

I love the Cadbury's creme eggs too! But haven't found any in the stores this year. Not that I've looked that hard, they're deadly!

I'm sorry you couldn't indulge, but you are getting closer and closer every day to a much better possibility :-)

At 9:38 PM, Blogger N said...

I got a huuuuuuge spot on my forehead from the fucking chocolate eggs. And one on the chin too. I am ugly. I hate chocolate eggs. They also make me fat!

About the side effects. I didn't get any hot flashes, but would trade one for some headache...if you are interested? Sorry to read that your donor is suffering too, but you are completely right, she has had 2 kids, she can get through everything.

I keep thinking of you and thanks for the link....I am searching different stuff now :-D too funny!

Take care!


At 9:49 PM, Blogger Ornery said...

I like Avonlea's idea...perhaps some diabetic chocolate would help you indulge in your craving?

I'm so sorry that you and your donor are experiencing these side effects. You both sound like such strong, amazing women. I hope the side effects start to subside soon.

At 9:43 PM, Blogger tania said...

who needs chocolate when you can have splenda and prunes???

i bet your donor is crying too... sorry you have to suffer through this crap sans chocolate!

At 4:09 PM, Blogger sexy said...










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