Pamplemousse

PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I Predict a Riot

The first counseliing session for my family donor was Thursday.

Just as I was beginning to come to terms with donor egg treatment, the counsellor did a pretty good job of questioning everything I feel or will feel or had felt...ever.

Now I can deal with this but my donor had to endure the rough and ready treatment that us infertiles are used to. You know, like ever had any STDs? How many sexual partners have you had? Is your husband the father of your two children? Is it the guilt of having two children really easily that made you offer to donate eggs? Why have you not told all of your extended family that you are doing this? Are you sure that you have not had any STDs? Oh OK, we will test you for HIV, Hepatitis, CMV, the cystic fibrosis carrier gene and anything else we can think of.

My poor donor. She is doing this for completely altruistic reasons as there is no payment involved. She is willing to go through this to help me and Mr P but the counsellor acted like I had put a gun to her head. I am so angry and so hurt that she not only has to endure the physical effects of IVF but tolerate this psychological bullshit first.

Oh, and Dear Ms Counsellor with the very bad shoes, I understand the counselling is about the implications of giving away your genetic material and the receipt of another person's. But for Pete's sake, stop asking me questions about a child that until they are here in my arms, I cannot conceive (no pun intended) of the reality of it. Let me get through 9 months of pregnancy first and then I might be able to talk about it.

The riot will continue in 3 weeks for a further double counselling session. I am already pissed off that I have to wait a further 3 weeks because time does not matter, does it? Hel-lo, I am 40 already!!! But maybe a cooling-off period is required. I am sure if I am arrested for assaulting the counsellor, there might be a problem, mais non?

21 Comments:

At 5:48 PM, Blogger Claudia said...

I swear, the hoops they make infertiles jump through would be enough to make anyone crazy. As frustrating as it is, you're laying the groundwork for an amazing thing. Hope the rest of the process is less invasive for you & your donor!

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger zhl said...

I love the Kaiser Chiefs. I saw them in September and fell in love. "Every Day I Love You Less and Less" is my second favorite song behind "I Predict a Riot."

Good luck. I'm sorry that you have to go through more crap. I hope it gets easier for all of you.

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger Sparkle said...

Interesting, you have all the empathy for your donor, yet you have pobably had to sit and answer all those questions a million times. I think I've had about 5 STD/HIV tests, don't even blink when I see them listed!
The DE option is not far from my mind, and the very scene you describe is what puts me off speaking to my sister. Even then, I imagine a scene like that with my own mother. I'm excited that you've got this far, this is just the boring crap you have to get through.

 
At 11:07 PM, Blogger Nico said...

Did you talk to your donor about the 'counselling' afterwards? It sounds awful. I guess I understand that they want to make sure that everyone is really truly okay with what's going to happen, but it certainly sounds to me as if it could be done in a more sensitive manner.

Here's hoping the next three weeks fly by!

 
At 11:28 PM, Blogger DD said...

Maybe this is the counselor's sly way of testing your ability to handle stress and you pass if you don't take her head off? The bad shoes must be another indicator to see if you have notice details.

Maybe she's just a bitch...

 
At 1:15 PM, Blogger fisher queen said...

It seems there isn't any step in this process that doesn't involve humiliation and anger. I hope your donor is OK.

 
At 2:16 PM, Blogger Karen said...

That counselor sounds out of bounds. I'm sorry you and your donor had to go through that.

 
At 4:29 PM, Anonymous wessel said...

Oh, I see you've encountered your first hoop 'o fire! Wishing you luck as you make that first jump-through. And don't worry about your donor--she can handle it, and her experience with the process will give you both hours of ridiculing pleasure.

Hope things go smoothly from here on out!

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger ninaB said...

As crazy as it is, it feels good to get the process started, don't ya think?
I'm sorry the counsellor was a bit of an ass. We were lucky to meet with a wonderfully sympathetic and supportive counsellor when discussing the DE option with my sis.
Breathe deeply. Have a drink.

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

I am glad that we have started! My donor is tough as old boots and she can take it. I think I was more upset after the first session. It just underlined how abnormal I am.

The questions for the background check are just exactly what we would want to know about an anonymous donor in order to make a decision. It is just that we are not normally in the room too.

I think I was overly prejudiced towards the counsellor because of the previously mentioned bad shoes!

 
At 8:27 PM, Anonymous amanda said...

I'm sorry about the donor torture. I'm glad she's a tough cookie and glad you're feeling a little better about it now.

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger Ova Girl said...

Bad shoes are a crime in themselves! I hope it goes smoothly from here on.

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

I wasn't even aware you already had a donor. Maybe I wasn't paying attention.
Anyway, good going. :-)

 
At 10:45 PM, Anonymous pixi said...

God bless your donor. She sounds like a real trooper. Still, I can understand why you wouldn't want her (and you) to be subjected to that.

How many sessions do you have to go through, total?

Oh, and I'm with you on the shoes. Bad shoes are totally scoff-worthy.

 
At 1:32 AM, Blogger MC said...

I hope the sessions are a bit less like an interrogation from now on.

 
At 3:31 AM, Anonymous Lori said...

Wow-sounds like it was quite the experience. Isn't it amazing the crap you have to justify to other people. I'm glad it sounds like your donor is up for the challenge.
I hope it gets easier from here.

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger April said...

Sending you both all the thoughts and hope my shrivelled little heart can muster.

In all seriousness, I am so sorry you're having to go through such emotional upheaval.

 
At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Manuela said...

WAHOO!!! The technical dolt just figured it out! For some reason I had your site linked with some weird /axion suffix and it sent me to a really fucked up version of your site.

Anyway... I'm here now...

And Ms. Ugly shoe woman?? I'm sending her a psychic SMACK for you.

 
At 6:28 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

Sounds like your donor is a real gem. Perhaps you could casually leave a copy of Vogue behind in your next session, open at the shoes section? Just a teeny little bit of revenge?

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger Donna said...

I hope you both are now doing impressions of Bad Show Lady to make each other laugh. I'm sure this is standard, but do they really have to be so rude?

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger Kristi said...

Thanks for visiting my blog the other day. My hope for you is that you charge through these annoying counselor sessions, and at the end of this long nightmare (and believe me, I haven't endured as much as you have, but I've been there) that you have a beautiful baby in your arms, which will make all this hassle so very worth it. I'll be back often to check on you and see how you're doing.

 

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