It is all about the madeleines
****WARNING****SELF-PITY ALERT AHEAD****DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE IN A HAPPY MOOD*****
It is day 7 of sniffing the Synarel and I am feeling black, black moods coming on. Everybody talks about the ambivalence and the whatever feeling once you are enduring the 2nd uphill IVF try but I find it so hard to avoid comparisons with other bloggers.
Suz and Bugs have had fantastic retrievals the second go-round after the pain and despair of being labelled poor-responders first time round. I am so pleased and thrilled that things have gone so much better for them this time round but it doesn't comfort me. This just makes me feel worse about what will happen to my 2nd go. I know rationally there is nothing I can do, other than de-stress and follow doctor's orders but I know deep, deep down, I have never lead a charmed life. Nothing ever comes easy.
I am craving comfort and the things which comfort me now are the same things from childhood that could be relied on to ease the pain. The otherworlds of books and music, Heinz tomato soup, clean and crisp cotton sheets, the sound of rain outside, starlings swooping in their mesmerising choreography, growing things, being in the garden.
I am trying very hard to stay positive but I am not winning this week.
posted by Pamplemousse @ 9:31 PM
6 Comments:
I'm sorry you're losing the positivity battle this week P.
I hope the hormones stop messing with your emotions.
Hang in there.
Sweet Mousse,
I wish I had a giant helping of optimism or any sage words, but I am a pessimist (especially today) and decidedly un-sage-like, so all I can offer is my sympathy and hope that you spear that golden ring this time around.
I'm hoping your comfort foods and books and garden give you some of the distraction you need. This process is a torment.
Thinking of you,
Bugs
Don't worry about having a self-pity party. I've taken the last two days off work to have one all by myself in my flat, watching crappy TV.
I was buying some makeup at Debenhams last night and I was at the Lancome counter getting foundation put on. I glanced over at the Juicy Tubes and one stared out at my "Pample Mousse". I thought of you immediatley. Is that where the name comes from? I should never go shopping when I feel in self-pity. I spent £94 pounds on makeup!
Nice warning - what's this 'happy mood' you speak of?
Hey, you know - at least one of the comforts of childhood isn't a bottle of Glenfiddich. Although that might lend you a helping hand...
Hang in there. None of this is easy and we should all win metals for muddling through IVF hell.
Macaroni and Cheese always makes me feel a little better.
The hormone rushes are enormous, you are doing great.
Good luck with everything.
Happy? Mood? On their own they make sense, but together...???
All you can do is keep reminding yourself that its the drugs, man, and go eat Kraft Macaroni Cheese. The Deluxe Family Pack edition. Then blame your wanton disregard for nutrition on the drugs.
All this IF crap is a big enough toll on your emotions, but as you know these are very powerful drugs. Be kind to yourself. Allow the indulgences. Wallow both in self-pity and in chocolate.
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