PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Cut and paste yourself here

The Synarel has arrived in the post and the instructions for the next go-round in the ring. Ding ding, seconds out! #2 IVF will commence with downregging with July period. Of course, I am now on CD40-something and it will take a bitch-slapping from Madame Provera to get that show on the road. Joy, joy, happy, happy.

I am at that ambivalent stage where I want to get on with it but I am also dragging my feet thinking "Why bother?". I remember the first times I was so excited to try things and the whole shiny world of TTC lay glittering before me.

1st metformin
1st Clomid
1st injectibles
1st IUI
1st IVF

All doomed to fail. So here I stand. Doing it again.

Give me a kick up the arse, people. I really need it.


At 12:13 AM, Anonymous amanda said...

It's hard not to be ambivalent and nearly impossible to be excited once you've done it all before only to have it fail. I really don't know how to change that. I'm sure your arse will get itself in gear eventually, though. Good luck!

At 1:08 AM, Blogger Internal Spring said...

(the sound of my foot hitting your "arse")

You know you're an optimistic masochist like the rest of us.

This just could be the right time for you. I'll keep the faith for you that it is, and so will we all.

This way, you can say, "I'm doing it for all of those damn IVF whores in blogville." And then, if you need to curse anyone for any reason, you can curse us.

(Am I being too polyanna? - Sorry, I understand your ambivalence.)

At 12:17 PM, Anonymous T said...

Uh, hello? Mood swings? Crying in the car going full tilt down the expressway? Getting pissed off for irrational reasons? Bruises, injections and don't forget the retrieval drugs.

See? It's all good.

At 2:08 PM, Blogger Suz said...

I'm in the middle of my second IVF and keeping my fingers crossed for you; it's hard to summon up much excitement, but it's good to think that maybe they learned something from the first one.

At 3:35 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

I think we all understand completely the ambivalence you're experiencing. Don't make that a reason to be upset with youself, it's pretty natural. But since you asked for a good, swift kick, here's what I got in responsse to "Why bother?":

1. If you didn't bother you'd regret it indefinitely.
2. The odds of success from doing it are clearly better than not doing it.
3. Why not do it? As my blog tries to remind me - Why shouldn't this work for you? If my beloved Red Sox can win 4 straight from the Yankees and go on the win the World Series, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

And you've got a whole lot of fans rooting you on.

At 6:59 PM, Blogger MsPrufrock said...

I'm with everyone else here, kicking some Pamplemousse ass. I know what you're feeling and I get it each time I start another cycle, but if you don't do it think what you potentially miss out on. Best of luck.

At 10:52 PM, Blogger tania said...

I was just saying to my husband last night that this cycle (my first IVF - tentative retrieval tuesday) hasn't seemed to be too terribly awful. And we both agreed that mostly that was because it was the first. And you're right - the first time doing a new protocol always has such promise, but moving forward from that is hard.

But, we grit our teeth, try to make light of it, and prepare for the pokes, prods, and bouts of bitchiness (with good excuse) and move forward. Because you know what? Anyone who goes through this crap is a damn strong woman who is more than due her share of ambivalence and anger and whatever else she wants to feel!

Good luck!

At 11:10 AM, Blogger Em said...

Looking at that list lets me know all that I have to look forward to! I am on my second round of clomid. I'm really scared about what's ahead and don't be hard on yourself for feeling negative. Infertility is such a crappy journey.

At 7:01 PM, Blogger Millie said...

Reporting for ass kicking duty.

Keep in mind that this is a different cycle. I always try to do something a little different or the protocol is different or something.

I know the ambivalence well but just do what you need to each day and that's all you really need to do. Just do the next right thing.

If you can't have a lot of hope, we'll take care of that for you. How's that?

At 10:00 AM, Blogger ankaisa said...

It's all about not getting your hopes up too high. After a while in this rollercoaster you do not want to climb to the highs of the ride only to come crashing down. Just take the meds when you are supposed to and drag yourself to appointments and the cycle will take care of itself. You can stay detached.

At 8:10 PM, Anonymous Clomid Prescription Information said...

My name is Holly Lem and i would like to show you my personal experience with Clomid.

I am 28 years old. I got preg first time on my own & miscarried. after a while of trying, my dr put me on clomid. after the first round i got pregnant & miscarried. i decided not to try or think about it at all probably for a 9 months... right around the time baby would be due & then started trying again. after a few months got back on clomid. after 5 months and no pregnancy i'm giving it a rest again. it's to much disappointment. i'm going to give it a try again soon, in the mean time we're keeping our fingers crossed for the old fashioned way to work.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
HOT FLASHES, moody, cry easily, weight gain, headaches etc!!

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Holly Lem


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