Pamplemousse

PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

If My Vagina Could Talk Redux

It would say "Enough of those buggery progesterone suppositories. You have turned a once beautiful garden into a bubbling and oozing primordial swamp".

And I would say back "Suck it up, beeyotch! It ain't over yet. It's going be to hand-to-suppository combat for a wee while yet. Hopefully 3 times a day, for the next 12 weeks. Suck. it. up".

It's a riot going on in my pants.

Though I have to tell you that I have not really been wearing any. TMI, I know but I feel that getting dressed would go against the whole ethos of this thing. Better to let the fresh air in to soothe the savage beast, run free like nature intended, hehe. Since I have not left the house since I came back from transfer on Saturday lunchtime, it is easy to accomplish.

Mind you, I did put some clothes on last night but only to ply the plumber with cups of tea whilst we discussed all manner of plumbing things that I now cannot remember. Hopefully Mr P was taking notes. He had better have been as the plumber starts work on the 28th. The joiner starts on the 29th. Appliances are being delivered on the 23rd and the 73 items of the kitchen delivery are coming on the 24th.

Nary a tile has been picked yet but this weekend, mark my words, I will leave the house. Don't gasp..it does not become you and I can see your fillings.

24 Comments:

At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Ann marie said...

Always making me smile, Ms. P! Glad to hear you are surviving, despite the riot ocuring in the nether regions. Should we all come over and assist in tearing up the kitchen?

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger Vivien said...

Someone with a sense of humour as wild and free as yours DESERVES for this 'process' to be successful! Thanks for making me smile - pretty hard to do now and then.

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger art-sweet said...

I loved the "oozing primordial swamp" imagery.

My partner, who is the one actually, um, being swamped, just cringed.

 
At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Lynnette said...

Ah...a kitchen update. As of yesterday, I now have a sink again, and new granite counter tops. It's coming along...slowly. Electrician, today. How are you feeling otherwise?

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger moo said...

Hey P. Funny as ususal. Thanks for the laugh - I personally liked the no pants bit. Ha!

How are you feeling? I am compulsively checking for your posts.

Hope this finds you well in addition to swamped.

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger DD said...

I hope that you were discussing the kitchen plumbing and not your own with the plumber. I'd hate to think that he would take a plunger to your "swamp".

Ah, the imagery just keeps flowing.

Flowing! Get it! Gad, I slay me.

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

Why, I think those little peanut oil pearls are awfully sexy the way they drip and ooze...ugh! I have been contemplating the alternative though (the excrutiating pain of the 1.5 inch PIO shots) and I'm not sure that we aren't a bit lucky to be doing the suppositories. Good luck!

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

P - too funny. I love the thought of you conversing with your vagina and addressing her as "Beeyotch."

Hope the kitchen comes together, while she remains a swamp.

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Beth said...

The joys of the cooter sauce from suppositories - you crack me up. Very excited about the commencing of the kitchen work and even more excited at the prospect of being regaled with swampy stories for, say, another 12 weeks - fingers crossed.

 
At 4:46 PM, Blogger Avonlea said...

I can just see you as Eve, with a few carefully placed fig leaves, dancing through your garden. . . May you be as fruitful.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger Millie said...

Ooooh more kitchen details1! Bring them on.

So very glad to hear you still have your sense of humor.

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger amyesq said...

Ooh kitchen stuff! Very exciting. And, yes, I hope you stay, er, swamplike for a long time to come.

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

I hate the way my fillings show up like that. Makes me very self-conscious.

Lovinng hearing all about your swamp-like nether regions. Bring it on!

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger fisher queen said...

OMG you are too too funny. Getting dressed only to discuss plumbing.

 
At 11:07 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

No pants? So you're leaving a trail of splotches all over the floor? Well, you won't get lost, erm, in your house.

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger sube said...

Love the post. A right good chuckle.

 
At 6:11 AM, Anonymous Kath said...

Dear Pamplemousse, you're running around with all bits a-flappin' and you're complaining about being able to see my FILLINGS? Interesting.

Your post put a big (closed-mouth) smile on my face. May the riot bring good things.

Er... you're not using a British plumber, are you? Just checking...

 
At 6:27 AM, Blogger MC said...

I swear that stuff gives me thrush everytime I have to use them.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Vacant Uterus said...

P, you make me laugh! There's a party in your pants! Enjoy picking your tile this weekend...and make sure you rest at least a little bit.

 
At 4:39 PM, Anonymous pixi said...

So, you were naked when you were writing that post?

Yeah, the suppositories do suck - they made me feel like I was peeing my pants all the time. Still, I hope you're "cursed" to have to use them for about 3 more months.

Glad to hear that you're going to be sprung this weekend - just don't forget your pants!

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Kris said...

Ha Ha! So gross and so true. I haven't your luxury of going pantless- I get to walk around feeling like I'm incontinent. Yuck. Wish there was a way to take progestrone via chocolate ice cream.

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger Chee Chee said...

Great post. Maybe if I start addressing my girlie parts a bit more sternly, I'll start getting better results . . . hope it works :-)!

 
At 2:44 AM, Blogger Tazzy said...

so, how's that swamp oozing? love the imagery.

 
At 7:04 AM, Blogger Sue said...

Hey P! Personally, hated the suppositories and opted for shots. Crazy, I know, but just couldn't handle the constant goo. So excited for you!!!

 

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