PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Gather Your Blossoms Whilst You May

Some more pretty flowers for you whilst I wait for the door of the Last Chance Saloon to slam in my face.

It is May again and the cherry tree is blossoming and it makes me cry as it does not seem like a week since last May and the May before that, etcetera etcetera. May is the month in which we married and it can be so lovely. Pity no-one told that to the Atlantic low that is hanging over Scotland and much of the rest of the UK, bringing cold and rain. Luckily I managed to take this photo against a beautiful patch of blue sky this weekend.

My low spirits were lifted last night by a telephone call from that truly magnificent blogger, Manuela. We chinwagged and giggled and I swear at one point I snorted through my nose. It was worth every cent it will have cost you, M!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Don't ask me about symptoms as I am 9dp2dt today and I feel nothing. Well, apart from the huge sobbing fit I threw this morning when a friend from work phoned to see how I was doing. My only answer was a giant sob. However, if you have been reading my blog before, you will know that a sobbing fit is nothing unusual chez Pamplemousse. In fact, it is positively mandatory.

Mr P is busying himself ripping apart the kitchen and I think he is glad to keep out of the way.

PS I was reading an ex-infertile's blog and they said they hated the way that bloggers just detail their lives and they wanted "stories" to entertain them. I was quite outraged at this but then I started thinking "Is that all I do?".

I talk way too much about feelings and emotions (mostly negative) which I think is par for the course if you are infertile. I tell you things that happen to me. Are there enough stories to keep you entertained???


At 10:33 PM, Blogger DD said...

Was this Ex-IF talking about how IF (and ex-Fs like moi) talk about the details of their IF?

Hmmmm. It'd be interesting to read her early entries before she became an Ex-IF. As far as entertaining, I didn't realize that our blogs were supposed to be "entertainment" of others; I thought they were for ourselves. You know what? I'm outraged now, too. Let me at her! I'll be no one's fucking jester! *pant, pant*

And even if you told us what you ate for breakfast each day, I would be satisfactorly "entertained"; however, knowing you are running around w/no bloomers and talking to the plumber seems to fit the bill.

(so, really, who was this?)

At 10:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honey you might as well go ahead and rename your blog Crack beacause I'm hooked. Stories or no stories. I think we're all a bunch of hyperemotional sorts or else we wouldn't have blogs in the first place. So emote away. I'm hoping like crazy for you.

At 11:08 PM, Blogger chris said...

I think she has infertile amnesia. I hear it's very catchy. I hope to get it myself someday.

Hang in there. And tons of luck.

At 11:21 PM, Blogger art-sweet said...

Please post her url so we can go kick some ex-infertile ass.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Walking on crossed toes for you PM.

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See, I think detailing your life IS the story. And it's a story that you would never have gotten to know before blogging, IF or otherwise. I love the other stories too, but those are just sub-stories of the bigger story.

At 11:48 PM, Blogger Demeter said...

The wait is killing me. I can't imagine what it is doing to you. Some people may seem insensitive to other people's sadness. I don't think anything is worse than IF, it is compared to cancer when it comes to the emotional pain the person goes through. She must have memory loss.

At 12:07 AM, Blogger beagle said...

Ummmm . . . she could just choose NOT to read blogs that bore her and leave us to our emotional sagas.

To each her own blog I say. Write what you need to and read what you like. Where's the problem?

An ex-infertile "should" be more understanding, no?

At 12:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. P, you are always a pleasure...and I do appreciate your rants and raves regardless of the topic. I enjoy hearing about people's lives, even the little things. It's what makes us, us. It's a shame to learn that to some, we're just story me, we're people. As far as this dreadful wait goes, you're almost done. Keep your chin up...and tell us who the ex-IFer is so we can abuse her extensively in all of our blogs.

At 2:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Personally, if you ever start waxing all poetic and stop being just the real Ms. P - I might have to go elsewhere. I come for the reality and because I think you have a unique voice in your writing. Plus, you also give me excellent words of wisdom - in particular, "one foot in front of the other" - so thank you for that. As for this ex-infertile blogger who thinks we should all be entertaing, all I can say is "Hmph." Lovely picture as well.

At 2:11 AM, Blogger avonlea said...

Oh well, I can't imagine that what they wrote applies to you and even if it did, who the fuck cares? I love you as do so many others. I want to know about your tears and laughter and your garden and your kitchen and your free bush and whatever else you write about.

Happy anniversary - gives us the date why don't you! How many years? Hugs and kisses to Mr. P for making a new kitchen for you!

At 4:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darlin'... I SO enjoyed our phone chat yesterday that it was worth TEN times whatever the hell it cost me!

Not only are just just a gem... every bit as warm, charming and witty in voice as you are in writing... I am just DELIGHTED that now when I read your words... I will do so while hearing that sing-songy Scottish brogue of yours! You could talk about the various colours of poo, and as long as I imagined it being said with your delightful accent... I'd be simply RIVETED!

As it is though... YOU are the reason I come here... the happy, the sad, the melancholy, the bitchy, the giddy... all of it. Because this blog is you. I don't come to be regaled by stories... I come to hang out in your presence. Just like you would do with any old friend. I don't know about you... but when I get together with old friends... I don't feel obligated to keep them in stitches with my latest stories! They aren't hiring me for entertainment... they are hanging out with friends.

Make sense?

Anyway... all day long, Mr.P and I have been attempting to speak in a lame-ass version of your accent. We keep finding excuses to say words that end in the 'oo' sound... so that we can exagerate it to Scottish proportions and proceed to laugh ourselves silly.

Big wet smooches, my dear!!

At 6:30 AM, Blogger sube said...

If I want entertainment, hell, I'll watch TV. IF blogs are all about the community and commraderie. The not feeling so alone in all of this. The being able to reach beyond ourselves to lend support to someone else, all the while knowing you'll get it back in spades when you need it most. THAT's why I read your blog and so many others.

As for symptoms, I'm 8dp3dt and don't feel a thing either. Hrmph.

At 7:22 AM, Blogger MC said...

I like your blog the way it is. I can hardly stand the tension.

At 7:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, really. Those (yawn) tiresome infertiles and their endless recountings of their daily doings.

Which makes me wonder: Is she an ex-infertile because she "graduated" or because she was run out of town?

Keep on doing what you're doing, dear Pamplemousse. And I'm keeping all digits crossed for you.

At 8:29 AM, Blogger Twisted Ovaries said...

The world has enough androids. Blogs should be about what people want/need to write about, and you? You talk about feelings. For many of us, that's what we want to read about, to make sure we're normal, to relate, to comfort, and to be a part of a larger world, outside of our little terminals.

Don't change because someone wants to be entertained. Direct them to the fiction section of Amazon, and just keep doing what you want!

At 8:48 AM, Blogger Country Chick said...

You are definitely entertainment enough for me. Hoping hard and wishing you the best of luck.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

It's the stories people tell that keep me coming back. Not A Story, but the stories of their lives. I love hearing about the story of your life. And I am hoping very hard that the door of the last chance saloon is staying well and truly open.

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Linda said...

Kath makes a point about the reason said ex-infertile is an ex-infertile. Ultimately, this is your blog. Do what you like! Obviously you have no shortage of readers and let us not forget that popularity poll you won a few months ago!

I can hardly wait until your POAS day! I'm praying hard that you'll see good news.

At 4:06 PM, Blogger Amyesq said...

I am positively riveted by whatever you post. Why else would I email you and pester you to post more! That damn ex-infertile can go jump in the lake.

Sounds like everything is ship shape at Chez Pamplemousse, sobbing and all. Now don't go away again!

At 4:07 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

Didn't realize that we were supposed to be entertaining when we write in our blogs! Mistakenly, I thought that the blogs were for US! Your blog is full of great stories, so what is that person talking about!

Good luck with your cycle!

At 4:14 PM, Blogger moo said...

oh my. Then mine must be the ultimate snore-fest.

I love yours and find it perfectly entertaining.:)

At 5:28 PM, Blogger charlie's mom said...

Oh Lord the whole point is to be able to offload the negative feelings and try to make sense of them. She should just go read a book.

VV jealous that you got to chat with Manuela.

Hang in there. It's more than halfway over!

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

She wants your/our pain wrapped in bite-size chunks of entertainment? What does she think? You're ghost writing for 'Days of our live'? Ugh.

At least I hope a feeling of indignation distracted you for a whole 30 seconds. Hang in there.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger Mellie said...

If you want stories, shouldn't you be reading a book? Personally, I find you MOST entertaining.

And don't worry about not feeling anything. You know as well as I that symtoms aren't indicative of anything.

At 1:58 AM, Blogger Portlairge said...

I hope you left Ms Ex IF a comment telling her to sod-off! It is lovely to see that patch of blue sky and hard to believe you managed to capture it. That same low is hanging over Ireland. My Mother has been complaining all week.
Thinking of you and hoping May 27th comes quickly.

At 2:02 AM, Blogger YouGuysKnow said...

that EX IFer has no soul.

fuck symptoms. everyone who winds up preg never has any anyhow. hugs

At 4:46 AM, Blogger Sparkle said...

Well, you know, we can't all be Jane.Austin can we? Most of us humble souls are just grateful to be able to have an outlet from the horror we've had to live!

Keeping fingers crossed, don't worry about symptoms.

At 5:12 AM, Blogger the waiting line said...

no worries pamplemousse, I'm in it for the blow by blow details and the occasional story.

lovely photo by the way. :-)

At 6:52 AM, Blogger Sue said...

You blog whatever the heck you feel like blogging. I'll be there to read it! Crossing my fingers for you.

At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Pamplemousse,
I am ignoring the foolishness of your worry about stories.
But I am worrying about your "last chance" phrase and hoping that is just another story.
Like your other readers, I am rooting and rooting for this chance to be the Chance. But like those of you readers who are in a similar pickle to you -- not just temporarily infertile, but fresh out of eggs -- I hope that you will not consider this your Last chance.
I have also gone through the personal failures, then the known donor failure. I think it makes some sense now to head to Spain; there is good reason why anonymous donation from women who have not yet necessarily had their families (but who are much younger) works more often than our system.
Oh, I am really not trying to be a pessimist. I think this go might very well be it. I hope you won't have to face the next bridge. But I wanted to banish that threat of "last-ness." I want you and Mr. P to become parents.
With apologies for nosey-ness, and affection.

At 9:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I think the same thing about my posts...but ultimately, my blog is my diary. If I want to write down how many bowel movements I've had or what's for dinner, I will. That said, I live for updates from people like you and others who have a lot in common with me. And I'm hoping like mad that this is not your last chance. We'll always have Africa...BTW, any urinating on long white things over there...?


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