Pamplemousse

PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Scream If You Want To Go Faster

Not.

My mum has breast cancer. She went for her mammogram and there was something changed, a core biopsy found cancerous changes and et voila, lumpectomy on Thursday past to be followed by an as yet undetermined amount of radiotherapy.

If you have been a long-time reader or friend, you will know that my mum and I have never had the most amicable of relationships. 13 years ago, she pissed me off by moving in with someone less than 6 months after my dad died of cancer. I know now she was lonely and needed someone there, needed more than what us, her children, could provide. But it hurt. Fucking hurt.

It is not the only thing that we have ever been at loggerheads about. Hey, I am 42 and life is long. Women in my family were brought up opinionated yet on pain of death, no talking about emotions or feelings. Just suck it up, be silent and stoic and endure. Get back into the fields and do the work. No time to contemplate your navel or feel sorry for yourself. There would be death before ever blogging or talking about feelings so you can see I am missing some granite chromosome somewhere.

I have to say that my mum totally stepped up to the plate with my 2 fucked-up pregnancies. The last 10 months, we have been the closest we have ever been and shock horror, we now share about feelings, talk about them, share the pain. Mum did not want to tell anyone.. friends, relatives, neighbours.. about her cancer. I told her that you can only get support if you share the pain.

It was the one thing I learnt from being secretive for so many years about IF. I told no-one in real life so no-one in real life could be a friend and support me. Yes, I had all my web and blog friends and your support was a virtual lifeboat for me. You helped me not to drown but it is hard to get a hug through the phone or by e-mail.

When my mum and I started really talking, she wiped the slate clean of all our ancient hurts and then some.

Now it is my turn to step up for her.

30 Comments:

At 6:46 PM, Anonymous susie said...

I am so sorry. I'll be thinking of your mother and you.

I am glad the two of you are in a better place now in your relationship, where your support will be welcome.

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger Heather said...

I'll be keeping your family in my thoughts.

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

So sorry to hear about your mom. I am glad that you guys have opened up to each other and can emotionally support each other now, though. I hope her treatments go as well (and as painlessly) as they possibly can.

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger DD said...

Even though it took unfavorable circumstances to bring you both back together, I'm glad that you both have each other back.

I will hope for a quick remission and a short therapy for your Mom.

 
At 8:15 PM, Anonymous Kath said...

Dear Pamplemousse, I am so sorry about your mother. What a blow. Sending her all my hopes and best wishes for a successful treatment and full recovery.

And I am so glad you and she are really talking now.

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger beagle said...

I'm sorry that you have yet another challenge to face but glad that you now have each other to hold on to.

Thinking of you both . . .

 
At 2:06 AM, Anonymous Jenn said...

Aww i'm so sorry. My mom had surgery for endometrial cancer about a year ago (and is now cancer-free so far). She didn't want to tell anyone either. I'll be thinking of her (and you).

 
At 2:11 AM, Anonymous calliope said...

oh wow. I am so so sorry.
will be thinking of you both as you wade through...
xo

 
At 2:50 AM, Anonymous orodemniades said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news...on the plus side, it sounds like they caught it early?

 
At 3:35 AM, Anonymous Lynnette said...

I'm so sorry about your mom. Hopefully a little of that strong stoic spirit is just what's needed, though, to kick the Big C's arse. Thinking about you both...

 
At 4:56 AM, Blogger tonya said...

I am so sorry to hear her diagnosis. Cancer really is such a bitch. I went through it with my Dad, we had a less than stellar relationship, too.

I will be praying that your mom beats it quickly, and I am very glad she has you to support her through this. You will both be in my thoughts.

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger Katrina said...

Oh no! I am so sorry! I do hope this was caught early enough that the treatment will be short and remission LONG. Hang in there.

 
At 8:48 PM, Anonymous B.Mare said...

Damn, that's a shame this has happened. Hoping for a swift, Cancerasskicking recovery- let me know if there is anything I can do- Botany gives good hugs now.

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger Summer said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. I hope the renewed relationship you two have will help you both through this terrible time.

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger Sunny said...

Really big hugs. I am walking down this same road now. It is hard. You aren't alone.

 
At 7:21 PM, Blogger WaterBishop said...

I am so sorry about your mother.
I hope she gets the care and support she needs.
Glad the lines of communication are now wide open for you guys.

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Sassy said...

I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're able to be there for her. *hug*

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Vacant Uterus said...

Oh P., I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I'm glad that your relationship has been healed but sad that it's now threatened by this awful disease. You're both in my prayers.

xx

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger moo said...

Ms P, I am so sorry to read the news of the cancer. I wish you and your mum the best as she beats this into complete and total oblivion. I am sure that with you by her side, she will be ever so much stronger. Hugs. the Moos

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger Clover said...

I'm very sorry about your mom. My mother has a major illness and we are dealing with that now as well. Its tough! I hope that she's in the very early stages and they get it all and treat it quickly and relatively painlessly.

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

Such awful news! I hope your mother makes a full recovery.

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

Oh pamplemousse, I am so very sorry to hear this. Your poor mum, you poor you. I hope there's a lot that can be done and that you have a bunch of good docs looking after her. Let me know if I can do anything re research latest treatments etc.

 
At 10:16 AM, Blogger Bea said...

I'm so sorry about your mum. I'm wishing her good luck and good doctors.

Bea

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger Bea said...

P.S. Take care of yourself, too.

Bea

 
At 2:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh darling, that's awful. My stepmother is going through something similar, and it's so frightening.

I really hope that everything works out well - and I am glad that you are able to be there for her during this.

Alchemilla

 
At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We went through this with R's mum just over a year ago, and it is horrible. I will be thinking of you both - and do tell friends - they can be (and want to be) so supportive, once they know - even just helping with the practical stuff like driving her to radiotherapy sessions. Big granite-penetrating hugs.
Vivien

 
At 4:44 AM, Anonymous Janie said...

Oh, I just found this news. I hope all is going well with your Mum and her treatments. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. It is 16 years this week since my Mom had her lumpectomy and battled breast cancer -- and she is doing great! I am sure you Mum will be beat this too.

Drop me an email when you get a chance. Much love, Janie

 
At 9:58 PM, Anonymous Alex said...

Just wanted to say I've been thinking of you and your mum. I hope you are both finding support in dealing with her cancer.

 
At 12:56 PM, Anonymous T said...

Oh crap - I'm sorry babes. I hope your Mom is hanging in and coping well.

xo

 
At 4:16 AM, Blogger Katie said...

Hey lady, I've been thinking about you and your mum. I hope everything is going well... Much love.

 

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