PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Somnambulists of the World, Unite!!

Someone (Jude?) tagged me ages ago about the 5 things that are weird about me. Believe me, 5 things would not begin to cover all of my idiosyncracies but one of my all-time weirdest things is my sleepwalking.

I have done it as long as I can remember, since a wee tot. I can go months sleeping the sleep of the dead then I will have a phase of it. I have grown used to it over the years and take great care not to leave keys in outside doors and no obstacles on the floors in the dark. It is always that I am dreaming that something is happening but my body is actually doing it. My mind propels me.

I fear staying in a hotel room as often you just have to pull the handle to undo a security lock so I prop a chair in front of the door to create enough of an obstacle to deter or wake me up properly.

Only once have I gone out of the house. It was the sub-zero temperature in the middle of winter that actually woke me up. Thankfully I was just outside and had not gone far. This is another reason why I never sleep naked!!

My one recurring dream is that I am in an unknown building and I have to get out. The details vary and the imaginary reasons for having to get out vary but the backbone of the thing remains the same. Often I am also on a quest for something in this house, looking for something in particular or having to hide something. This can make it difficult the next day trying to locate an item that I knew had been left in the kitchen or such but it has now migrated to the hall cupboard. One of my favourite somnambulistic acts as a kid was to fold up all the bedding off my bed and put it all away in the wardrobe. I would then get back on the bare mattress and wake up in the morning shivering. My mother would shriek at me for doing this as if shouting would make it stop.

Now when this happens, Mr P will often get up and guide me back to bed. The best thing is when I am gripped with fear at being in this strange house surrounded by unfamiliar objects and I battle my way to the surface of waking and I wake up to the most loved, familiar face right there beside me. My touchstone in a sea of uncertainty, my soother of anxiety.

I know all the science of sleep and the mind not being able to shut down and the rational reasons for my nocturnal anxieties. I know that it is when things are worrying me or I am feeling unsettled and twitchy. I know rationally it is my anxiety at the upcoming donor IVF cycle that is making me start this again. As long as I have Mr P holding my hand when I wake up, I can get through anything.

My donor starts suppression on March 21st. You were right in that suppression will just be extended to cover the Easter break closedown. The same thing happened to me last year at this time. I remember having a nervous breakdown as I was having to suppress for 3 weeks instead of only 2! It seems like a lifetime ago. She will have her baseline U/S on April 11th and all going to plan will start stims then for 10-12 days. I start Provera this week to kickstart my suppression etc.

It looks like I have going to be a little sleep-disturbed for at least the next 6-7 weeks. Oh well, worse things happen at sea. I have been waiting so long to start this that I am a bit dazed at suddenly seeing the starting gates. I would go without sleep entirely if I could make it over the finish line this time.


At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Lynnette said...

OMG! Its really happening fast, now that its happening! Congrats! I thought that was a very sweet description of your sleepwalking (and waking.) We're lucky to have husbands like that. I have a recurring dream that I have to go back and repeat 7th, sometimes 8th grade, as an adult. Terrifying! Also, very vivid dreams since starting the depot Lupron...

At 4:26 PM, Blogger tracey said...

I've been reading for awhile now, but haven't posted. Best of luck with your DE cycle. Its here, its here ! Looking forward to your posts.

I had a friend in college who would rearrange the furniture as he sleepwalked around the room. Hotel rooms seemed to really bring it on.



At 4:27 PM, Anonymous T said...

Houston we have DATES! Wahoo!

As for the sleepwalking, I used to do it when I was younger, but it didn't last long. I wonder if some meditation cd's or guided imagery (STOP laughing!) would help?

Oh and mmmmm, on the hob nobs - might have to go and get some today. We're desperately low on those kinds of good! Thanks for the good wishes too.

At 4:49 PM, Blogger Vacant Uterus said...

My brother used to do the same thing you do. He went right out the front door once, convinced he was on his way to the loo!

GL with this donor cycle...all my good thoughts/prayers/hoo-ha are with you. :-)

At 11:09 PM, Blogger Karen said...

I'm so excited for you that your DE cycle is almost under way. I hope everything goes smoothly and you manage to catch some sleep throughout.

At 11:15 PM, Anonymous thalia said...

I've only sleep walked once to my knowledge, I was 3 and a half and on holiday in sardinia. I thought it was magic that I closed my eyes looking at the ceiling of my own bed, and then when i opened them again it was my parents bed (they were out for the evening).

I'm excited that the cycle is finally on the horizon. These things take such a bloody long time to come around, don't they?

At 9:00 PM, Anonymous Erin said...

What is the Easter break closedown? Your RE's office closes?

Anyway, congrats on having dates and details!

At 9:34 PM, Blogger fisher queen said...

Oh wow I can't believe it's time! I think the period leading up to a cycle can be more stressful than the cycle itself.

At 4:23 AM, Blogger the waiting line said...

Wow - good luck! You're ready for take off!

At 2:29 AM, Blogger Ornery said...

My husband sometimes sleep walks, which is both alarming and highly amusing for me. Usually, he'll just go to the bathroom and I'll assume he just woke up in the middle of the night to pee. But then he'll just hover over the bed until I tell him to lie down. Hmmm...if I told him to roll over would he do that, too?

Good luck on your DE cycle!

At 2:50 AM, Blogger ninaB said...

Sometimes I feel af if I'm sleepwalking through life- but that's not the same thing is it?
So glad the DE is underway. How exciting! Best wishes to you and your donor- tell her she is an amazing woman.

At 7:37 PM, Blogger Anna said...

Wow. I can't belive it's starting so soon! Which is a riot, because it also seems ike it's taken forever to get here. I'm sending you and your donor lots of hugs for a great cycle. I wish you all the best, and a little wee one in a bout 10 months.

At 9:40 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

It seems like it took forever to get started, but now it seems like it's happening so soon! I'm so excited for you.

I've walked in my sleep all my life. The worst was when I was 12 and walked right out of a hotel room in my peach baby doll pajamas. When I woke up I was in a hallway and it took me a long, frightening time to find my room again. Stress really seems to bring it on for me.

At 12:13 AM, Blogger Beagle said...

Good Luck with this cycle . . . waiting to start always takes so l o n g but then it really speeds up once you start.

Sleepwalking . . . I've never knows a sleepwalker! That is a very novel (if scary at times) trait!

btw, I am eating McVitie's Hob Nobs (choc covered) while I catch up on blogs . . . Mmmm . . . they are a rarity in the US, but I manage to find them!


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