Somnambulists of the World, Unite!!

Someone (Jude?) tagged me ages ago about the 5 things that are weird about me. Believe me, 5 things would not begin to cover all of my idiosyncracies but one of my all-time weirdest things is my sleepwalking.

I have done it as long as I can remember, since a wee tot. I can go months sleeping the sleep of the dead then I will have a phase of it. I have grown used to it over the years and take great care not to leave keys in outside doors and no obstacles on the floors in the dark. It is always that I am dreaming that something is happening but my body is actually doing it. My mind propels me.

I fear staying in a hotel room as often you just have to pull the handle to undo a security lock so I prop a chair in front of the door to create enough of an obstacle to deter or wake me up properly.

Only once have I gone out of the house. It was the sub-zero temperature in the middle of winter that actually woke me up. Thankfully I was just outside and had not gone far. This is another reason why I never sleep naked!!

My one recurring dream is that I am in an unknown building and I have to get out. The details vary and the imaginary reasons for having to get out vary but the backbone of the thing remains the same. Often I am also on a quest for something in this house, looking for something in particular or having to hide something. This can make it difficult the next day trying to locate an item that I knew had been left in the kitchen or such but it has now migrated to the hall cupboard. One of my favourite somnambulistic acts as a kid was to fold up all the bedding off my bed and put it all away in the wardrobe. I would then get back on the bare mattress and wake up in the morning shivering. My mother would shriek at me for doing this as if shouting would make it stop.

Now when this happens, Mr P will often get up and guide me back to bed. The best thing is when I am gripped with fear at being in this strange house surrounded by unfamiliar objects and I battle my way to the surface of waking and I wake up to the most loved, familiar face right there beside me. My touchstone in a sea of uncertainty, my soother of anxiety.

I know all the science of sleep and the mind not being able to shut down and the rational reasons for my nocturnal anxieties. I know that it is when things are worrying me or I am feeling unsettled and twitchy. I know rationally it is my anxiety at the upcoming donor IVF cycle that is making me start this again. As long as I have Mr P holding my hand when I wake up, I can get through anything.

My donor starts suppression on March 21st. You were right in that suppression will just be extended to cover the Easter break closedown. The same thing happened to me last year at this time. I remember having a nervous breakdown as I was having to suppress for 3 weeks instead of only 2! It seems like a lifetime ago. She will have her baseline U/S on April 11th and all going to plan will start stims then for 10-12 days. I start Provera this week to kickstart my suppression etc.

It looks like I have going to be a little sleep-disturbed for at least the next 6-7 weeks. Oh well, worse things happen at sea. I have been waiting so long to start this that I am a bit dazed at suddenly seeing the starting gates. I would go without sleep entirely if I could make it over the finish line this time.