PCOS - check. Infertility - check. IVF - check. 43 years young - check. Sick of babydust - fricking double check. Join a Scottish infertile as she slowly swirls down the plughole. Now with added donor egg flava.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Only Women Bleed

Does anyone remember the TV show Rock Follies from the 70s? I had a giant crush on Julie Covington. Her cover of that song spoke to me in December 1976 as I got my period for the first time.

30 years later, the novelty has worn off and I am sick of bleeding. I have had two periods in the last 3 weeks, and in between the flows, non-stop spotting and break-through bleeding from the Yasmin. Ugh. Add that to the depot lupron shot on Thursday past and the envelope from my clinic detailing the records of the last 6 years fertility treatments and no wonder I was feeling a tad overwhelmed last week. I had been in denial about the length of time I had been attending my previous clinic but to see it all laid out in black and white just about killed me.

I was feeling a little "Why Me" too. Why do I have to travel across the world to have DE treatment? Why do I have to pick myself up from the pit and start all over again from scratch with a new donor? Stop the bus...I want to get off.

I do not really want to go back to work but I think I must as I am becoming bored by the Internet. How is that even possible?

Physically the hammer shot has left me more moody than normal (Mr P says it is not possible but it is hard to hear what he is saying from the muffled depths of the hall cupboard). A bit headachy and tired but nothing too drastic. 6 days until I start the estrogen. I am going to make it.

I have to be the hostess with the mostest tomorrow as Amy arrives. She survived 95 miles of Scottish hills and weather so she can survive little old menopausal me.


At 1:38 PM, Blogger DD said...

95 miles? Is that all? Maybe someday I'll be brave and try an international flight and THEN I'll show you!

At 3:45 PM, Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

You and Amy be sure to have Pimms for me.

I know I'm a dork, but you know I have it marked on my desk calender when you leave for SA. I'm sorry you are feeling hormonal and moody though. But I'm still being totally excited for this cycle for you. Okay?

At 7:30 PM, Anonymous Manuela said...

I'm with Katie... I'm sorry you are feeling shit these days... but I am SOOOO hopping excited for you that I just can't STAND it!

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Lut C. said...

I just have to say that the thought of doing this for 6 years makes me blanch a little.

Enjoy the visit with Amy! Have a decadent amount of fun. :-)

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Krista said...

All those medical records. No wonder you feel like shit. I can't wait to hear your tales from SA. I am really holding out a lot of hope for you for this cycle.

At 10:17 PM, Blogger Beagle said...

It's all just "so not fair!"

Have a wonderful visit with Amy!

At 12:54 AM, Blogger Millie said...

Hmm, I think you need a vacation. Perhaps a trip abroad? Filled with wine and food and amazing things. I'm sorry you're feeling all this but I think (and hope) you will have a fabulous trip. It really is amazing. And you'll come home with a stowaway or two.

At 3:22 AM, Blogger Kris said...

It is unfair! But a few weeks ago you were looking forward to your luxury trip to SA- something fun to focus on. Oh, and the DE. That little ol' thing.

At 4:06 AM, Blogger Sparkle said...

Well I just hope that work doesn't get in the way of your internet time?

Well with my 4 years and your 6 - hey that's a decade of 'why me's'!!

Take care, and enjoy your time with Amy.

At 9:57 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Whew! It's been quite the science experiment you've been involved's no wonder you're feeling less than great. Like everyone else, I'm hoping that this cycle will end with the happily ever after that we all wish you. Take care of yourself.

At 4:48 PM, Anonymous Kath said...

Dear Pamplemousse, that kind of bleeding really puts a damper on all the... uh... life. I'm sorry you're having to contend with all that, on top of hormone madness and the monster file and the frustration of starting over again. I hope Amy's arrival lifts your spirits. And above all I hope that great things happen for you this time around.

It's bleedin' time, in more ways than one.

At 6:28 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm sorry it's so hard right now. It will get better again but it's just bloody awful that any of us have to go through this, let alone for SIX years. You are one impressive woman to have persevered this far.

And I'm so jealous of your visitor. You've got to let us know the total alcohol intake. And pictures, we want pictures. Are you in fluffy pyjamas?

Ok now I sound like a stalker, I hope being with Amy has been a little beacon in the midst of all this crap.

At 1:07 AM, Blogger mermaidgrrrl said...

I would be so much more than "why me". I would be down on my knees in the dirt shaking my fists at the sky yelling "why hast thou forsaken me!!!!" at regular intervals. And I'd probably be in sackcloth. With ashes. You are being very restrained in comparison!

At 7:20 PM, Blogger Sue said...

I understand that feeling of "wanting to get off the bus" so well. It's like, intellectually, you know quitting is an option, but emotionally, it just isn't.

At 7:08 AM, Blogger sube said...

I'm a bit behind on my blog reading, and it's been a week since you wrote this post. I hope in that time Amy has provided you with some lovely distractions and that you're feel a bit more invigorated about all you're going through. You most certainly are going to make it.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger moo said...

"Why do I have to travel across the world to have DE treatment? Why do I have to pick myself up from the pit and start all over again from scratch with a new donor? Stop the bus...I want to get off."

I felt the exact same way. I'm sorry for it all - it sucks. I have 4 years of medical records staring me down. It all sucks. hang on - just a little bit to go.


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